Imagine being so irrelevant to baseball that you have about 30% as many followers as a local dickhead blogger in a real market?

Think about that. And then imagine that you swung (and missed) your way to said irrelevance by playing in such hotbeds at Tampa Bay, Detroit and Baltimore before ending on a brief high note in the City By The Bay, where your crowning achievement was removing a thong from your jeans when you were “high as a kite” on Adderall.

You’re Aubrey Huff, and you never would have been able to hack it in a real city:

Moving on– imagine caring so little about your team that Sleepy Chuck Todd is your fan avatar. There’s never been a better dichotomy between famous sports town fans than Jim Cramer in the Philly corner and Chuck Todd in the D.C. green room. Cramer is loud, brash, generally entertaining. Todd, on the other hand, has the energy of a sprained thumb with a toenail-bed of hair to match. And a whole pile of butthurt to match: