Before I get started, I just want to thank Bryce Harper for being an absolute content machine, nay, content legend. Everything the guy does is a story, and I’m just as grateful for it as I will be when he hits 40 homers this season.

Earlier this afternoon, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia creator and star Rob McElhenney reprised his famous love letter to Phillies legend Chase Utley. You remember quite well the original, I’m sure:

Except this time around, McElhenney directed his creepy and awkward adoration for a fully grown adult baseball player, which I completely both understand and respect, at a new target:

I pumped out weird line after weird line about Harper all winter, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I never asked him to play catch. Huge oversight on my part. As for Mac, would his request go unanswered? No, because like I said, Harper is a content legend:

No word yet from Chase, but I’m sure he won’t mind inviting Harper to hang out the next time the gang gets together: