Corny Washington Television Anchors Bash Bryce Harper Piñata

FOX 5 Anchors hit a Bryce Harper Pinata
via Twitter (@WisdomFOX5)

Washington D.C.

Our nation’s capital.

A city filled with vile and disgusting career politicians, a morass of partisan losers that really do not care one iota about their constituents. They look at you and I with contempt, and answer only to lobbyists and other bloodsuckers and carcass-eaters that circle overhead before descending for feedings like the opportunistic vampires and/or vultures they are.

Washington is also the home of news anchors who put Bryce Harper’s face on a pinata and swing away:

Look, FOX 5 Washington, I’m gonna level with you, after the jump:

Bryce Harper had a choice.

He could have remained in your stinking shit pile of a city, surrounded by some of the biggest fakes this country has to offer.

Or –

He could have come to a hard-working, blue-collar, lunch pail-carrying type of town, the home of the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall and cheese sandwiches.

Bryce Harper made the correct decision.

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4 Responses

  1. Your description of Washington may be your best writing ever. Mainly because it is dead accurate. Not only is DC filled with politicians, but their mistresses as well don’t forget.

  2. Not for nothin, the traffic girl on that channel went to Bensalem and usually makes fun of the Skins and rocks Eagles stuff

  3. DC is a garbage town full of out of towners who were the biggest dorks and losers in their high schools and colleges who end up in DC to reinvent themselves as some sort of non-losers who continue to overachieve but now with a chip on their shoulder to stick it to all the cool kids who made fun of them by lobbying for things that harm the everyday middle class Americans i.e. cool kids with friends. They don’t care about sports… they never played a sport except maybe cross country or crew. In DC, they hop on a bandwagon for any sports team and jump off as soon as a team is eliminated or no longer relevant. It’s all about appearances in DC – schmoozing at events to move up in power circles and achieve more and more. Their social scene is focused on the White House Correspondents Dinner aka the self-proclaimed “nerd prom” – polos and khakis are the uniforms of choice. They all look like they should be on a yacht but the reality is most of them are afraid of water ever since the JV soccer team tied them to a tree and unloaded a gauntlet of Super Soaker 5000s on them because they ratted out that the soccer team was cheating off of them.

    It’s a garbage town! A literal swamp. Everybody was pissed Philly was the capital so VA and MD gave up swamp land they didn’t want so people would stop crying Philly was the capital. The swamp was full of yellow fever and other diseases for most of its history. During the war of 1812, the priority was to protect Philadelphia so they made the conscious decision to not protect DC and let it burn. Nobody gave a crap about it. Baltimore had our back and not only was Philly protected but we got the Star Spangled Banner out of it. What would the number one ranked anthemist in the NHL sing before every Flyers game if it weren’t for our boys in Baltimore? But I digress… DC is a self-serving, self-important city on top of a swamp and mass grave of yellow fever victims. They have all these monuments and memorials to events they contributed nothing to. 7 of the richest counties in America are in the DC suburbs so the wealthy dorks can make sure their own interests are overachieved instead of working for the real American – the middle class who is getting screwed by they tasteless losers who don’t care about Bryce Harper, sports, or even this country. I HATE DC!

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