New York Giants: This is your new franchise quarterback. Inspiring.

The New York Giants briefly broke the Internet last night with their pick of Duke quarterback Daniel Jones with the sixth overall pick in the 2019 NFL draft. Instant reaction to the pick was a combination of amusement, amazement and horror, and it really hasn’t gotten too much better today.

We are never going to know what was going through Giants’ general manager Dave Gettleman’s mind when he made this pick, but we have a pretty good idea about what his call to Jones to break the news before the pick was made might have sounded like:

Dave Gettleman: “Daniel, this is Dave Gettleman, general manager of the New York Giants. I’m calling to let you know that we are leaning heavily toward taking you in the draft.”

Daniel Jones: “OK, Mr. Gettleman, thanks for letting me know, but they’re on like pick four right now, aren’t you calling me kind of early?”

DG: “Well, we’re thinking about taking you sixth.”

DJ: “I don’t think I’m still going to be on the board in the sixth round, sir.”

DG: “I said sixth as in overall.”

DJ: (suddenly aggravated) “OK…who is this, really? Are you one of my linemen’s dads? I don’t think this is very funny.”

DG: “This is Dave Gettleman, for real. Who would say they were me if they weren’t? We were 5-11 last year and we’ve been to the playoffs once since 2011.”

DJ: “You got me there. But have you looked at my college numbers? I threw 29 interceptions in three seasons.”

DG: “Son, we’ve had Eli Manning here since 2004. It’s fair to say we have a certain comfort level with interceptions.”

DJ: “About that…Mr. Manning was sacked 47 times last season and has taken over 400 sacks in his career. You just let his best wide receiver go in free agency. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

DG: “Not really, but if the concern is who you can throw the ball to, Saquon Barkley has great hands out of the backfield.”

DJ: “You gave him 352 touches last season on a 5-11 team. At that rate, he’s either going to end up out of the league in a handful of good seasons like Larry Johnson and Arian Foster or he’s going to freak out like Ricky Williams.”

DG: “Well you won’t have to worry about that – we don’t really plan to play you for a few years.”

DJ: “What? So let me get this straight: You’re going to draft me with the sixth overall pick, in New York, when no one but you thinks I should be taken that high…and then you’re going to sit me so the fans can complain about the pick all season?”

DG: “Now you’re getting it!”

DJ: “Mr. Gettleman…please…you have the 17th pick in the first round…so take someone better than me with the sixth pick, and if I’m there at 17, great.”

DG: “No dice, son. You’re Eli’s heir apparent. If you have half the career he’s had, you’ll win us a Super Bowl!”

DJ: “If I have half the career he’s had, I’ll probably have CTE by the time I’m 28. For God’s sake, please don’t do this to me….”

DG: “Gotta run, Roger needs the card. See you at training camp!” (click)

DJ: “Mr. Gettleman! MR. GETTLEMAN! NOOOOOOOO!”

Giants gonna Giant.