Jared Dudley needs to relish this moment against the 76ers

Photo Credit: © Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Jared Dudley should walk to center court with his arms out-stretched tonight, close his eyes, and soak up every boo and filthy insult hurled his way by the Philadelphia faithful.

Soak it in, Jared. Every jab, every horrible remark, every middle finger hoisted your way. Remember it. Take every detail into your memory and cherish the attention, because the second the Nets lose that final game of the series to send them packing (and they most assuredly will, barring a horrific collapse by the Sixers) you will be most certainly be left behind.

A too-late-to-the-party blogger will write one last post about you, a final joke will be made on Twitter, and the 76ers and their fans will be on to bigger and better things.

It is inevitable. Your name will be whispered into the ether one final time by social media and, as is tradition, you will be utterly forgotten.

No more microphones in your face asking you to comment on Simmons. No more interviews. No more segments on NBA on TNT. Just the inevitability of you at your locker, by yourself, wondering where it all went wrong.

It is the way of things. Your name, or most likely a vague, insulting description of you, will go into the big book of hated but forgettable athletes that have shared a moment in the Philadelphia shadow of hatred. You will join such luminaries as the guy on the Miami Heat from last year’s playoffs who looked like Mose Schrute from The Office and the goon with the awful man bun from the Celtics who drained 99% of his three-point attempts. God I hated both of them. But now? If you offered me $10 million I wouldn’t be able to tell you either of their names.

You will join their ranks the SECOND the Nets crap out of the first round. Your two games in the spotlight will disappear faster than the crisp, brand new D’Angelo Russell jerseys purchased by Nets fans over the past three weeks the moment the final buzzer sounds.

You will forever be remembered as the melted milk dud that tried to talk shit to Ben Simmons after a Game 1 miracle, lit the fire under Ben Simmons ass for the rest of the series, and backed up your trash talk with the worst Game 3 imaginable and an ejection in Game 4.

The greatest value you provided your own team was getting Jimmy Butler ejected alongside you. Again, it didn’t end up mattering in the least, but hey, you tried.

So take a mental snapshot tonight, Dudley. That 15-year-old hurling obscenities your way? Just another memory for the scrap book. The raucous mob booing every moment you dare step out onto the court? Just think of it as a satisfying epilogue to the one week you had even a semblance of meaning in the NBA.

Every thunderous Simmons dunk and primal scream as he stands over your stunned, dazed body? Well… well I can’t spin those at all. That’s just humiliating and you deserve to be humiliated to the fullest extent.

Philadelphia looks forward to completely forgetting you when we focus our hatred on Toronto. We’ll move on and focus our ire to someone more deserving.

But we’ll always remember your airball in Game 3. That was amazing.




16 Responses

  1. He looks like a mix between Tony Parker and Craig Carton minus the embarrassing ticket selling scandal.

  2. He spouts almost as much nonsense as Lane “two strikes” Johnson.

  3. As of 2019, Jared Dudley has grossed close to $50 Million in is career so far.

    How much does Kyle pay you per post Coggin? 30-40 bucks or so?

    1. That’s a gross overpayment, is so.

      But at least he hasn’t been fired for using a CBS Philly twitter account to project vile racial insults like Kevy

  4. You realize we lost that series to Boston correct? And that we were the forgotten ones sitting alone at our lockers – not Aaron Baynes . He also plays for our arguably biggest rival, so you should know his name. This sounds like it was written by a hockey(baseball?) fan who barely watches the NBA. Stop acting like we have won anything with this team yet, including this series.

  5. Did anyone else notice Pete Mrazek is one win away from knocking the defending Stanley Cup champs out of the playoffs. What the hell?

  6. Did anyone notice Justin Williams is still money? So glad we gave up on him 20 years ago

    1. Guy makes $1 million a year, incredible! His audience is white trash and coloreds who don’t know how to speak

  7. The Kinkster is over here working with me now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAA

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