Put The Masters Tournament on Your Sports Bucket List

Long before returning to Philadelphia to take a gig with Eyewitness News, I was slogging through the graveyard shift at WJBF News Channel 6 in Augusta, Georgia.

It was a small town, kind of sleepy, sitting on the Savannah River and centering a metro area of about 600,000 people, which is 5.4 million fewer folks than what we’ve got up here. We were television market #117, sandwiched between the hustling and bustling cities of Fort Wayne and Reno on the Nielsen charts.

College football dominated Augusta, about 60/40 Georgia Bulldog to South Carolina Gamecock fans, with other SEC expats finding work in town. A couple of division two basketball programs, Augusta State and USC-Aiken, actually had a nice little rivalry going. High school football used to draw a few thousand people every Friday night, too, which was insane and very typically southern. This was the real deal, and it made games at Garnet Valley or St. Joe’s Prep look insignificant in comparison.

But the king sport in town was golf, obviously. I used to drive by Augusta National at 10:45 p.m. on my way to work, and there it was, just sitting across the street from an IHOP and a Christian book store – the most famous golf course in the world. All I could see was a brief glimpse of the clubhouse down Magnolia Lane, because massive trees blocked the rest of the course from sight. If you weren’t looking for it, you’d easily miss it.

Maybe The Masters is a niche thing, but you should put it on your bucket list and make the trip down there sometime, because it’s a really unique and enjoyable experience.

I went in 2008 and 2009, and I doubt much has changed in ten years’ time. The cool thing about the course is that it’s very old fashioned, from the scoreboard to the vendors and everything in between. And it’s not in some exotic location outside of the city proper, it’s located on a stretch called Washington Road, which I’d describe as a Baltimore Pike type of thoroughfare featuring all sorts of stores and fast food joints. You literally pass an Arby’s and an Olive Garden and then Augusta National is just up ahead, on your right.

The waiting list for tickets (known as badges) is something like years long, so you can either buy them for an arm and a leg off the internet, or stand outside the gates and buy used badges during the practice round days. I did the former in 2008 and the latter in 2009, throwing some guy $100 for his badges as he left the course early in the afternoon. My friend and I then used his passes for re-entry, followed Vijay Singh around the course, and walked around for a few hours before heading home. That move was risky, since there was no guarantee anyone would sell to us, but we got lucky.

I’d really suggest going for the practice rounds before the tournament starts, because the rules are different. You’re allowed to take photos and move around a lot more easily. Players are just casually moving through the course, getting a feel for the fairways and greens, and warming up ahead of round one on Thursday.

The first year, I went with my dad, grandfather, and godfather, and we followed Tiger Woods around for a few holes before peeling off and watching Phil Mickelson come around Amen Corner. When people say that “every inch” of grass is perfectly cut, they’re not bullshitting you. I worked on the grounds crew up at Bella Vista in Gilbertsville for three summers, and we’d never be able to get the course looking like this:

That pohot was shot with a late-90s Olympus digital camera, but even with crappy resolution you see how well-manicured the course is.

For context, our entire fleet at Bella Vista contained two John Deere triplex mowers, the big three-wheeled vehicles you use to cut the fairways. At Augusta, I saw five of those mowers on the same fairway, all cutting in a staggered line. They literally had more mowers on one fairway than we did in our entire fleet.

Another cool thing about The Masters is that the clubhouse and concessions are very simple and old school. When you enter the grounds, you come through a concourse with a shop on one side, bathrooms on the other, and then the food area. Here’s the entryway:

It gets tight in there, but the really unique thing is that they don’t rip you off. The merchandise is very fairly priced and the concessions are insanely cheap, because they don’t carry corporate branding, but essentially white label their products instead.

For instance, you might buy a pack of crackers at the tournament made by Lance, but the package would just say “peanut butter crackers” or something like that. Similarly, these sandwiches cost something like $2.50, and they’re made locally every morning and delivered to the tournament as such:

I think we spent something like $12 and came away with two sandwiches, two bags of peanuts, and two drinks. Twelve dollars at the Wells Fargo Center might get you one slice of pizza, right? One of those huge Lorenzo’s jawns.

The other minimalist feature of the course is the wooden signposts and scoreboards posted throughout. I don’t know if it’s been updated since, but this big old non-electronic scoreboard sits right near the clubhouse between the 18th green and 1st tee box:

You can even see homeboy on the ladder putting in the player names manually.

Another reason I recommend the practice rounds is because it’s a more laid back experience overall. Players sort of wing it as they go through the course, and you’ll often see stuff like this photo, which is Tiger and Mark O’Meara getting a feel for the 18th with multiple balls while hordes of people just sit there and watch:

You also get some quirks that happen only on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

One of the things you’ll see is people taking up spots on his hill that sits to the left of the 16th hole tee box. As the players walk towards the green, they normally stop and try to skip balls across the water and onto the green, which seems like a strange tradition, but it’s just a fun thing they do for the crowd before continuing on to putt:

I think the coolest thing about walking the course is just seeing the spots made famous from past tournaments. You come around Amen Corner and think about shots hit by Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer (and Jordan Spieth, unfortunately). You see Rae’s Creek and The Big Oak Tree sitting on the course side of the clubhouse, which is a staging area for television crews as they interview players coming off the 18th:

But the coolest thing about The Masters is just this kind of trippy and nostalgic vibe you get walking around the course, like you teleported back to the 50s, but in a good way. There’s no corporate crap serving as a distraction and you aren’t blasted by ridiculous food and drink prices or modern day sports entertainment. There’s no music being pumped through loudspeakers, no fireworks, nobody jumping a motorcycle through a flaming hoop. It’s just a minimalist golf tournament without the assorted fanfare. Sure, there are negatives that come with all of that, and Masters organizers haven’t been the most progressive people over the years, but the tournament itself is one hell of an experience, just something different and unique and highly recommended. Augusta is only a 12 hour drive from Philly, or you can hop a connector to the airport from Charlotte or Atlanta, so it’s a super easy trip. Try to do it before you croak.

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26 Comments

  • TL/DR April 9, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    Zzzzzzzzzzz

    Any new subscriber meet and greets on the horizon? Maybe some live podcast parties where only a few friends a and family members show up?

    Reply
    • Kyle Scott Laskowski April 9, 2019 at 4:56 pm

      No

      Reply
    • THICK ROPES CUZ April 9, 2019 at 5:01 pm

      I’ll meet and greet you behind Jims Steaks at 2am tonight.
      You be the ‘tough’ and i’ll be the coma victim with the dry cooch.
      Bring some lube.

      Reply
    • Cecily tynan’s gross feet pic on twitter 🦶 April 9, 2019 at 8:21 pm

      Loveable Drubk John Daly signed one woman’s bare bottom, and she happily showed off her new ink for his Instagram account.

      Reply
  • Thick Ropes Cuz April 9, 2019 at 4:20 pm

    Totally buried the lede. “Masters organizers haven’t been the most progressive people over the years”

    Gee ya think, Kink?

    This is one my favorite pieces to read every year on Masters week when the typical propagandized, sycophantic pieces from people like Kink come out singing its praises. Oh it’s the most special place in the world. Oh the concessions are so cheap. Oh they just allowed female members two seconds ago. I will not be watching nor will I be ever stepping foot in this terrible place, which was built by white males and for white males and continues to honor that ideal to this day.
    https://deadspin.com/how-augusta-national-became-golfs-north-korea-1709794444

    Reply
    • gee April 9, 2019 at 4:32 pm

      I’m sure they’ll really miss you.

      Reply
      • Thick Ropes Cuz April 9, 2019 at 4:37 pm

        They are not hurting for money and my (lack of) patronage will not make one iota of a difference. But they do really appreciate bootlickers, so it’s a good thing you’re here.

        Reply
    • Kevin Kinkead April 9, 2019 at 4:36 pm

      you, on March 22nd, posting under a different username:

      “Would niff Taryn’s panties”

      Reply
      • Thick Ropes Cuz April 9, 2019 at 4:37 pm

        Who wouldn’t?

        Reply
        • Eldrick Woods April 9, 2019 at 4:57 pm

          Maybe you can hang one of the thick cuz ropes around your neck and hang from a doorknob.
          fn asswipe

          Reply
        • Hahahah you’ve been kinked April 9, 2019 at 5:52 pm

          Thick ropes is a typical “do as I say not as I do liberal”. Out of one side of his mouth he’ll talk about women being equal and mistreatment of women blah blah and out of the other side of his mouth he’ll talk about sniffing some chicks panties. He reminds me of little mikey missanelli. He likes to paint himself as a “holier than thou” liberal but got suspended for sending emails to a listener full of h0m0phobic slurs. Then there’s the whole “Dwayne from swedesboro” thing but he pulled the favorite liberal excuse “I didn’t know anything about it!”

          Reply
    • thank you donald for my 401k April 9, 2019 at 4:39 pm

      Stick to thinking about Cuz’s ropes.

      Reply
    • spiderrico April 9, 2019 at 5:14 pm

      FFS, lighten up Francis. You must be real fun at parties.

      Reply
  • sheckler April 9, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    Great article for a philly sports blog.

    In particular, I really enjoyed the multi-paragraph monologue explaining what kind of fast food chains can be found around a golf course in Georgia

    Reply
  • MM April 9, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    Stick to the format, stealing other peoples material and monitoring twitter.

    Reply
  • Lena Pedophile Dunham April 9, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Best part? Not one undesirable amongst the spectators in the photos you posted.

    Reply
  • William Rhodes April 9, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    I own some rental properties down there – Martinez actually – but have never been, partially bc I hear it’s an awful town and that Augusta isn’t much better. Would like to hit up the tournament one of these days though.

    Reply
  • Quick Question April 9, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    How insanely awful is 975s morning show?
    1. Farzetta talks like hes auditioning to be a broadcaster
    2. Tra is full of ridiculous comments, none that are compelling or make sense.
    3. Jamie and Bob should have the 6 to 10 slot.
    Awful. Its sounds like college radio.

    Reply
    • buzz bissinger's nipple rings April 9, 2019 at 5:40 pm

      yes i listened to it for the first time yesterday morning. They were talking about the only being able to pcik one baseball movie to watch for the rest of their lives….riveting stuff

      Reply
  • THICK ROPES CUZ April 9, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    Lorenzo’s is the worst fn pizza in PA.
    Its slop!

    Reply
  • Angel Cabrera April 9, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    I was there in 2009 for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is the coolest sporting event I have ever attended, slightly ahead of the Kentucky Derby. The grounds, the people, the history. If you like golf you have to attend at least once. (If you don’t like golf you can come to this website and write dooshy reviews.)

    Reply
  • Alpha April 9, 2019 at 5:37 pm

    You’d be surprised. Alot has changed. AN bought the entire strip mall where the country club is/was. It’s all gonna be gone in a yr.

    Reply
  • THERE IS A G0LDEN C0RRAL NEAR THE COURSE April 9, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    Unlike the one’s around here they keep this place clean and the food is fresh. It’s real busy because people in the South love all you can eat restaurants. It’s a weird town. When your inside the course it’s like this lush piece of land and your trying to figure out how you were transported to this alien planet once you enter the gates. Most fans who watch on TV are totally clueless where the course is located. They will never show outside the gates from the blimp. Even when you leave the course your still scratching your head. It’s truly a Twilight Zone episode.

    Reply
  • Ken Kaplan April 9, 2019 at 7:06 pm

    All well and good. Now if they weren’t so neo fascist and racist (and generally misogynistic,)

    Reply
    • Ken Kaplan April 9, 2019 at 7:11 pm

      P.S. The first woman they let in was a war criminal.

      Reply
      • I'll smoke this cigar later April 9, 2019 at 7:42 pm

        Hilary Clinton?

        Reply

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