Chris Long Didn’t Admit to Using Marijuana, He Just Said He Smokes It

Photo credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

By now I’m sure you’ve heard the bad news. Chris Long, hero to Philadelphia, a father, a husband, has admitted a terrible truth. After retiring, Long revealed the patchouli soaked skeleton in his closet and admitted, ADMITTED, to smoking marijuana during his NFL career.

Pot. Weed. Jazz cigarettes. The reason anyone buys a ticket to a Seth Rogen movie. Whatever you want to call it, Long admitted to using it and shared his NEFARIOUS ways of getting around the NFL’s marijuana testing policy in a cowardly interview after retiring:

Did you read any of those? Did you see that Long ADMITTED to using pot? And how this criminal mastermind was able to circumvent the NFL’s drug testing policy by not smoking pot for a month before the scheduled date of the test? Why, it’s almost as if the NFL made it so easy to not get caught with a positive test because it doesn’t want any of its players to be suspended for a substance that isn’t a danger to the league or its athletes. It’s almost as if they know it’s not a threat to any of their athletes, but the stigma of pot is more of a threat to potential sponsors and commercial revenues.

Craziness.

What is with this rhetoric? Why are these articles sharing this news as if it’s this SHOCKING admission of guilt from a respected NFL veteran? The mere fact that it went viral is astounding to begin with. You mean an athlete who plays a violent sport looked to an alternative means of pain reduction outside of harmful and insanely addicting opioids?

COLOR ME SHOCKED.

You admit to something you do wrong. You admit to lying to your spouse, or committing a crime, or cheating on a test. Kyle admits to the shocking mistake of hiring me as a columnist.

You don’t admit to smoking weed in moderation as a way to cope with the tremendous amount of punishment your body takes over the course of an NFL season. You just smoke it. You don’t need to admit to anything.

I’m not even a fan of smoking marijuana. I don’t like it. But what I am a fan of is common sense. If smoking a substance that is less harmful to you than smoking cigarettes, binge drinking, or taking pain killers helps you get through the equivalent of taking baseball bat shots to the head over the course of 17 or more weeks than have it.

Common sense is also not being a moron and over-indulging on it. Or using it and then getting into a car. Or using it and wasting your time on seeing a 7-hour Phish concert and their four-song set.

It’s like anything in life. Use it and don’t be an idiot and you’ll be just fine. Smoke a joint after doing irreparable damage to your brain, there’s not a lot of harm in that.

Enjoy retirement, Chris. And like the WWF’s Godfather always said, “I want you to roll a fatty for this pimp daddy, light that blunt up and say pimpin’ ain’t easy.”

Or just smoke it and admit to nothing.

 

Kinkead: I am adding a Half Baked clip to the end of this article – 

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16 Comments

  • Yikes May 24, 2019 at 11:23 am

    If it contains words, Crossing Broad will publish it.

    Reply
    • Coggin Toboggan May 24, 2019 at 11:38 am

      Always fun to hear from a great fan.

      Reply
      • Oof May 24, 2019 at 11:42 am

        It’s good that you are at least self aware, that you are very bad at this.

        Have a good weekend.

        Reply
        • Kevin Kinkead May 24, 2019 at 11:44 am

          look in the mirror jabroni

          Reply
          • Kurt the Bartender May 24, 2019 at 12:12 pm

            Doc Watson’s Irish Pub this holiday weekend with the family? Beautiful outdoor bar.

          • CARSON WENTZ'S GIMPY LEG...AND BAD BACK May 24, 2019 at 9:16 pm

            Its better than you looking in the toilet with that ballsack hair piece on
            and spouting your hate rhetoric against mexicans, blacks and others.
            Do you think if you explained that you really only hate mexicans that CBS would give you your
            job back or will you continue to work at this shitbox and make more illegal shirts?

        • Coggin Toboggan May 24, 2019 at 12:20 pm

          My biggest fan, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for reading as always.

          Reply
          • kurt the bartender May 24, 2019 at 12:46 pm

            you’re welcome. I never put down what you fella’s right. As I’ve stated numerous times in the comment section, just loving to troll. keep up the good work

          • Coggin Toboggan May 24, 2019 at 12:50 pm

            Oh I wasn’t replying to you. Who doesn’t like Doc Watson’s?

          • KNOBJOBBIN TOBOGGAN May 24, 2019 at 9:18 pm

            Now we know why you do this shit for a living.

  • 2 Soccer Podcasts May 25, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Crossing Broad: We Dont Care And It Shows

    P.S. We’re a gambling shill site just with shitty ‘articles’ itermixed

    Reply
  • who cares about this soyboy cuck? May 25, 2019 at 8:26 am

    .

    Reply
  • now they're removing criticism of cuck soyboy long May 26, 2019 at 8:22 am

    he enabled the blm terrorists. he supports liar michael bennett. he’s a virtue-signaling puss.

    Reply
    • Truths May 26, 2019 at 2:17 pm

      When someone uses phrases like “soyboy” and “cuck”, I know that I’m skinnier, better educated and will live way longer than them.

      Reply
  • i wanna be a hippie and i wanna get stoned May 26, 2019 at 2:09 pm

    mari-mari-juana!

    Reply
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