By now I’m sure you’ve heard the bad news. Chris Long, hero to Philadelphia, a father, a husband, has admitted a terrible truth. After retiring, Long revealed the patchouli soaked skeleton in his closet and admitted, ADMITTED, to smoking marijuana during his NFL career.
Pot. Weed. Jazz cigarettes. The reason anyone buys a ticket to a Seth Rogen movie. Whatever you want to call it, Long admitted to using it and shared his NEFARIOUS ways of getting around the NFL’s marijuana testing policy in a cowardly interview after retiring:
Chris Long admits to using marijuana during career, points to flaws in NFL’s testing program https://t.co/OXf9HD5pqZ
— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) May 22, 2019
Since he's now out of the league, Chris Long seems like he's a little more empowered to speak on the league's policy on marijuana.
— NBC Sports Philadelphia (@NBCSPhilly) May 22, 2019
Chris Long says he was able to evade detection because the league's test is so easy to beat. https://t.co/3zgwxE6niO
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) May 22, 2019
Did you read any of those? Did you see that Long ADMITTED to using pot? And how this criminal mastermind was able to circumvent the NFL’s drug testing policy by not smoking pot for a month before the scheduled date of the test? Why, it’s almost as if the NFL made it so easy to not get caught with a positive test because it doesn’t want any of its players to be suspended for a substance that isn’t a danger to the league or its athletes. It’s almost as if they know it’s not a threat to any of their athletes, but the stigma of pot is more of a threat to potential sponsors and commercial revenues.
What is with this rhetoric? Why are these articles sharing this news as if it’s this SHOCKING admission of guilt from a respected NFL veteran? The mere fact that it went viral is astounding to begin with. You mean an athlete who plays a violent sport looked to an alternative means of pain reduction outside of harmful and insanely addicting opioids?
COLOR ME SHOCKED.
You admit to something you do wrong. You admit to lying to your spouse, or committing a crime, or cheating on a test. Kyle admits to the shocking mistake of hiring me as a columnist.
You don’t admit to smoking weed in moderation as a way to cope with the tremendous amount of punishment your body takes over the course of an NFL season. You just smoke it. You don’t need to admit to anything.
Hey, I was asked. Not exactly a shock or a hot take. Hope the league prioritizes removing the stigma of something that’s helped a lot of guys improve their careers and lives. https://t.co/e3tFlmMKv4
— Chris Long (@JOEL9ONE) May 22, 2019
I’m not even a fan of smoking marijuana. I don’t like it. But what I am a fan of is common sense. If smoking a substance that is less harmful to you than smoking cigarettes, binge drinking, or taking pain killers helps you get through the equivalent of taking baseball bat shots to the head over the course of 17 or more weeks than have it.
Common sense is also not being a moron and over-indulging on it. Or using it and then getting into a car. Or using it and wasting your time on seeing a 7-hour Phish concert and their four-song set.
It’s like anything in life. Use it and don’t be an idiot and you’ll be just fine. Smoke a joint after doing irreparable damage to your brain, there’s not a lot of harm in that.
Enjoy retirement, Chris. And like the WWF’s Godfather always said, “I want you to roll a fatty for this pimp daddy, light that blunt up and say pimpin’ ain’t easy.”
Or just smoke it and admit to nothing.
Kinkead: I am adding a Half Baked clip to the end of this article –