Opinion: Life is Too Short to go to the Same Jersey Shore Town Every Summer

Me?

I’m a Jersey Shore guy. Vacationed in Sea Isle City from childhood to 2004, now it’s Mays Landing every summer dating back to 2012. These days I’m splashing around in the Great Egg Harbor River or rolling down 559 to Smitty’s Clam Bar and/or The Surf Mall, where you can still get that Rage Against the Machine “Evil Empire” poster for $7.99.

You probably know a lot of people like me. They’ve been going to a place like Wildwood for 40 straight years, but there’s no real explanation for it. They just go to Wildwood because they always go to Wildwood. And it’s not necessarily because Cape May sucks, it’s just because Wildwood is their spot.

That’s what we are as Delaware Valley natives – fiercely parochial. It’s simultaneously our best trait and our worst trait, because while we’re certainly loyal we aren’t exactly the most cultured or well-traveled people in the United States. Ask your neighbors to point to Africa on a map, or Harrisburg, and it’s probably not gonna go well.

We need to fix this. When the furthest people will travel is the next Eagles road game, then you know we’ve got a problem. It’s a big world out there, and life is too short to spend every summer living as a shoobie motherfucker. Even if you want to spend 11 summer weekends getting flesh-eating bacteria at the Windrift, use that 12th weekend to do something different. Something unique. Something liberating.

Problem with Philly is that we like familiarity. We eat at the same restaurants, shop at the same stores, watch the same TV shows, and do the same shitty recreational activities. We find comfort doing things we’ve always done, because you’re not gonna be thrown for a loop when stopping into the South Philly Ikea. You pretty much know what you’re gonna get, which is the Hjallarmsdottir bedroom set. But that’s also boring, and it’s why we need to branch out and try new and exciting things.

There are a lot of places worth visiting in this area alone. We are blessed to live on the eastern seaboard, as opposed to some place like Chadron, Nebraska, where the air quality and tax situation is probably 5,000 times better but there ain’t jack shit to do. No offense to Chadron natives, but they don’t have the options we do, some of which are:

The Poconos

The Poconos do not suck. You can rent a house up there or do all kinds of recreational water stuff for the same cost or less than what it requires to rent a house for the week in Stone Harbor.

Lake Wallenpaupack is “my shit,” as Gwen Stefani once said.

Delmarva Jawns

I took my wife on this five-day trip about five years ago:

Fun ride. We spent a night in Dewey, then stopped in Ocean City and Chincoteague on day two. Didn’t see any horses though, which was lame. Then we went over the crazy long bridge from the peninsula into Virginia Beach, spent two nights there, then made a pit stop in Baltimore on the way home, for crabcakes and football.

This didn’t break the bank at all, just a short loop down and back.

The other side of Pennsylvania

Some people have done the trip out to Pittsburgh to see the Phillies or Flyers play, but there’s other stuff to do out there. Go check out Falling Water, then spend a weekend at Nemacolin Woodland Resort near Uniontown.

Or go north and slightly west, see some of the state forest land in and around Happy Valley, hit up the Ricketts Glen waterfall trail. Pennsylvania is a lot bigger than Philadelphia, so go see it.

Go to Canada (or Maine)

Montreal and Toronto are both about eight hours from Philly. The drives really are not bad at all. Actually Toronto is a very nice trek, because you’re going up the Northeast Extension, then taking 80 through Wiliamsport and up into New York. It’s a really scenic ride. Montreal is a straight shot up 87 through equally pretty upstate New York:

Another trip I recommend is Maine, which features the very underrated city of Portland. Upper New England also has a very good craft beer scene, with Smuttynose right off of I-95 in New Hampshire and then places like Shipyard in Portland proper. If you have a few extra days, go a few more hours up and check out Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park.

These places are not far away:

Here’s how far we are from –

  • New York: two hours
  • Boston: six hours
  • Baltimore: two hours
  • Washington: a little under three hours
  • Outer Banks: seven hours

You can make a weekend or more out of all five of those places. Maybe not Baltimore though… you can do B-more in 24 hours.

Right, so anyway…

I could keep throwing ideas at you here, but then I’d be a travel agent.

The point is this:

It’s a big country and a big world. Do you really wanna be sitting there at Manco and Manco when you’re 65 years old, eating another slice of boardwalk pizza, and thinking to yourself, ‘man, I wish I really went somewhere else in my youth.‘? No, you don’t want that to happen. I already have regrets at age 34, because I was lugging a camera around Morgantown, West Virginia while other college students were “studying” abroad in places like Rome, London, and Madrid. The most exotic place I visited in college was Cleveland.

So anyway, go do something different. Branch out. Step outside of your comfort zone and your parochial Philadelphia bubble. Expand the horizons. Nobody’s sitting here saying the Jersey Shore is a bad place, because it’s not, but there’s a lot more to do and see out there. Life’s too short to spend every weekend at La Costa.

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22 Comments

  • Michael August 22, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Love this because it’s the truth.

    Moved to Seattle and it’s refreshing to not hear everyone speak about the same shore spots, eating at the same restaurants, and doing the same things that they are so scared to break out of.

    Reply
  • Los Locos Kick Your Balls into Outer Space! August 22, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    Nice try attempting to limit traffic on the 42 freeway weekend bottleneck. You’re going down like the rest of us!!

    Reply
  • eric August 22, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    im not afraid, i just love wildwood and god willing ill be there at least once a year the rest of my life

    Reply
    • Deputy Van Halen August 22, 2019 at 1:37 pm

      Grew up in Philly, but I live in the south. Ill take Fl/SC/GA beaches over the Jersey shore any day of the week.

      Reply
  • Kevin Murphy August 22, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    well said. thank you.

    Reply
  • Stu feiner August 22, 2019 at 12:32 pm

    I can’t get over all the sluts wearing thongs this summer on the beach in margate . I haven’t played with myself so much in one summer . Seriously just want to go around eating butts

    Reply
  • Frank TJ Mackey August 22, 2019 at 12:42 pm

    So I should rent from another shore town if I own a place in North Wildwood? Dumb.

    Reply
  • fire angelo August 22, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I do something different…I go to WW for the boots on the beach weekend instead of Irish weekend…it’s liberating

    Reply
  • Ham Porter August 22, 2019 at 1:03 pm

    Deep Creek Lake, MD

    ~4.5 hours

    You’re welcome.

    Reply
  • Summers Pointe August 22, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    Stay outta Smitty’s Clam Bar

    Reply
  • mayor of colwyn August 22, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    “you probably know a lot of people like me.”

    How the hell do I know that a lot of people like you? Man, that is really conceited!

    Reply
  • Fudgy Wudgy Man August 22, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    Don’t hate on us Wildwood beach goers. We found a spot we like and enjoy.

    Reply
  • Bob August 22, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Cape May is far and away better than any of the shore towns & any of the places you mentioned here – how dare you write it off like that, so disrespectful & ignorant

    Reply
  • Globe troller August 22, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Every Jersey Shore location sucks. ‘Nuff said.

    Reply
  • Karen Hepp is Hot August 22, 2019 at 1:57 pm

    You are so right on it’s scary. The Jersey shore sucks ass – the weather is hit or miss, the prices are outrageous, the crowds are ridiculous. I have lived in Philly my entire life and have never understood why people go to the same shore town year after year, and run into the same people you see in your neighborhood in the bars, beach, or boardwalk. Don’t you want to take a vacation to get a break from the same people you see day after day.

    F the Jersey Shore

    Reply
  • E Bradlee August 22, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    My best vacation was on a remote lake in Maine. Two ways to get there sea plane (smart) or drive your Altima 90 minutes over crazy logging roads (not smart….A legit SUV is much more doable.) No electricity, no cable and no cell service, but you could hear Montreal radio stations on your battery powered radio. There were to cabins and 6-8 beds. The kitchen had a working fridge and stove/oven. No other people for miles. Access to boats on the water and fishing. The best part was the stars. Hundreds of thousands of them. You’ll never forget it. https://www.libbycamps.com/ Ask for Clear Lake.

    Reply
  • Really obscure idea August 22, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Take your 16 Charger Scat Pack for a run to Windber PA and back and tell me that is not exhilerating

    Reply
  • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ August 22, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    This is a good take.

    Reply
  • Vinny Boombaats August 22, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    I dunno, I think your right to some extent but if you grew up going to the Jersey shore as a kid it’s near impossible to not go for a week when you’re older and bring your own children, tradition! I agree tho the prices to rent a decent house is nuts!

    Reply
  • horn August 22, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    Cape May is gorgeous and you never see anyone from back home there.

    Reply
  • Innes' Failed Diet August 23, 2019 at 9:12 am

    I’ve mentioned this earlier in the week but it can’t be stressed enough, Ocean City Maryland sucks. Last time I was there, like 3-4 years ago, you couldn’t escape the smokers on the beach. My kids’ sand castles were decorated with cigarette butts as they made up 50% of the sand down there. The major road running through the town is a joke too. Getting to a restaurant required playing real life Frogger on a street as bad as the Blvd. We also made the mistake of checking out Seacrets while there. It is the only club I have ever been to that required you to walk through a metal detector. (BTW, read up on the couple that met another couple there and were murdered, though not Seacrests fault) It was nothing special.

    Virginia beach is great if you like seeing the same 3 stores every 10 feet and the sound of jets hammering your ears. I do give them credit for having hotels right on the beach. That was nice.

    Reply
  • The Dude August 23, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    What are you, the fun police? Let people do what they want man. If you want to be more “cultured and worldly” than the wildwood bennies by taking a 5 day trip to virginia beach and back that’s your prerogative. Personally I hate the jersey shore and only go there in the off season, but to each their own. This aggression will not stand, man

    Reply
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