God bless Doug Pederson for understanding the art of saying nothing at all while protecting his players. It’s almost like he comes from the Andy Reid coaching tree.

Today’s day-after press conference was a tour-de-force in how to bullshit your way through availability, fibbing at a level that would make a public relations professional blush. The PR firm that worked the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is probably jealous of Doug P right now.

Here are the lies the head ball coach told at today’s presser:

Fib #1 – on Mack Hollins

Doug: “When you’re the 6th or 7th guy in the progression or in the scheme of things, sometimes it’s hard to get the ball going in that direction.”

the truth: Mack Hollins stinks. You could cut him right now and sign Jordan Matthews or Greg Ward and immediately improve your team.

Fib #2 – should DeSean Jackson have had surgery in week two?

Doug: “That’s not for me to answer.”

the truth: Yes, he should have had surgery. He would have been back by now.

Fib #3 – when Jason Peters is healthy, does he get his job back?

Doug: “Yeah, I think moving forward, something we’ll evaluate this week, I’ve been real impressed with Andre (Dillard). He had another good game yesterday (going up against) Khalil Mack and Leonard Floyd. He played well. I do think when JP is healthy and comes back it’s JP’s position moving forward.”

the truth: Of course he has to say that. He’s not going to say ‘it’s Andre Dillard’s position,’ even though it should be. Jason Peters is done and needs to swap the football field for the Hall of Fame. It’s time.

Fib #4 – on JJ Arcega-Whiteside

Doug: “Number one, it’s the mental side of the offense. How much do they know? How much can they take from the classroom to the practice field, and then does it translate to the game? What they do in practice, in young players’ cases, like JJ being behind Alshon, he’s kind of learning from Alshon. He’s doing everything right, he’s practicing hard. And sometimes it’s hard to get on the field because of that. One of the things we like about JJ is his versatility, the fact that he can play really all three spots and move him around. Being able to do that, obviously allows us to find a position or find some snaps for guys like that.”

the truth: Huh? He’s versatile? Mike Groh literally said the opposite a few weeks ago, that Arcega-Whiteside was primarily an X receiver while only cross-training in the other areas. This guy went to Stanford, so he’s obviously not dumb. Let’s put him out there and see what he’s got. Oddly enough, I saw DK Metcalf tear it up yesterday, and he was picked after JJAW in the draft.

Remember, this is the same group of coaches that couldn’t figure out how to get Golden Tate going last year because “there is only one football.”

Fib #5 – what’s your message to Sidney Jones?

Doug: “I think Sidney is in a great spot, honestly. We just had to make a tough decision yesterday.”

the truth: He’s not in a great spot. He was a healthy scratch Sunday and he was benched even before Avonte Maddox returned, when the Eagles preferred Craig James instead. Sidney Jones has been a massive disappointment.

Fib #6 – evaluating Nelson Agholor and Alshon Jeffery

Doug: “I think overall they’ve been good but I would say they haven’t been great. I think they would echo that.”

the truth: They haven’t even been good. I understand Agholor getting thrust (again) into a different role, but Jeffery has taken a big step back this season. I expected more from him.


Anyway, nice job by Doug today. He’s gotten much better at bullshitting his way through pressers, which is a must-have skill for any NFL coach.