What are the Philadelphia Eagles?

Malcolm Jenkins
Photo credit: © Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports

Well, here were are Eagles fans. And where is here, anyways? We’re in the middle of nowhere on a desolate road, equally halfway between respectability and ineptitude. Our ride looked good on the outside when we started, but it’s sputtering and leaking weird green juices all over the steaming asphalt.

Our HOW-E 2.0 GPS is telling us to keep going, ignore the warnings signs, ignore the rattling noise we’ve been hearing for weeks that is just getting louder. There’s a gas station just a few miles ahead, salvation, previous fuel to send us back into the fray. HOW-E 2.0 tells us we can make it there with what we have under the hood. But does anyone truly believe it? Doesn’t he…err…the GPS have to say that? Isn’t that it’s job?

Tumbleweeds litter the side of the highway. The radiator is hissing. And there are scorpions everywhere. You can’t see them, but you know there are oh so many scorpions waiting for the big breakdown.

When the car starts up again next week, where are we going? All we can do is kick the tires and hope we don’t roll back to where we came from.

The Eagles are 5-4 rolling into the bye week. What are the Eagles? What is this team? They’re a game over .500. Good! They beat one of the best teams in the NFC in Green Bay Packers and a then 5-2 Bills team with a great defense. Even better! They lost games to the Atlanta Falcons, one of the worst teams in the NFL, and were embarrassed by the Dallas Cowboys on national television for what felt like the 900th consecutive time in a row.

There have been rats. Anonymous sources. Snitches. Sports hernias. Surgery. No surgery. And drops. Oh my God so, so many drops. They’ve been teetering on the brink for what seems like the last five weeks….and every time they swing back and threaten to fall over the cliff, they right themselves and regain their foothold. But it’s not steady ground and it’s getting rockier the further they get into the season.

No moves were made at the trade deadline. No waivers were claimed, but reinforcements are coming. Love him or hate him, Jordan Matthews will give you more production than Mack Hollins at wide receiver. Jalen Mills is healthy, last year’s standout Cre’von Leblanc should return and provide more depth at a position that is thinner than Sidney Jones’ hamstrings.

But Carson Wentz is still throwing to the same underachieving and frustrating group of wide receivers. Wentz is still missing open receivers. Doug Pederson brain farts at least a few times each Sunday and puts himself into a play calling funk. Nothing is coming easy on either side of the ball and it’s troubling. Nine games in and there are far more questions than answers for a team that somehow finds itself a game above .500 and half a game out of the top spot in the NFC east.

The Eagles have seven games remaining, four of which they’ll be favorites and SHOULD win (Giants twice, Redskins, and the beached and suffocating Miami Dolphins), bringing their total up to nine wins if the team plays to expectations.

The leaves the Patriots next week, the Seahawks, and the Cowboys. Can this team, this complete enigma of a team, win ONE of those games to push their win total up to 10 and make it to the playoffs as a wildcard? As the NFC East champions? Can the Eagles find an identity in these remaining contests to actually put some hope in the gas tank and roll back to respectability?

There are far more questions in the last paragraph than I’m comfortable writing without actually having an answer to.

Let’s start the car up next week and hope it doesn’t explode.

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13 Comments

  • Fred Sled November 8, 2019 at 9:19 am

    Doug Pedersen is a garbage coach who got lucky in 2017 by having a last place schedule and for the idiot Saints cornerback who missed a tackle that allowed the sorry Case Keenum led Vikings to play in the NFC championship game. Then, was even luckier enough that Bill Belichick benched his best cornerback to allow the Eagles to keep scoring on that side of the field. Pedersen will never take this team to a Super Bowl again and Howie will continue to draft trash! The End!!!!

    Reply
    • Weird November 8, 2019 at 10:22 am

      Same coach that took a team with a first place schedule to the playoffs last year and was a dropped pass away from the Championship game.

      Your logic is sound.

      Reply
      • Carson Wentz, 30 Million Dollar Game Manager November 8, 2019 at 10:57 am

        Team that only made the playoffs by benefiting–AGAIN–from the Vikings incompetence. Kirk Cousins even has a decent game in that Chicago game and the Eagles miss the playoffs. And then a garbage QB in Trubisky and a born loser in Cody Parkey allowed the Eagles to make it to the Divisional game.

        Also, I’m sorry, was Jeffrey in the endzone with o seconds remaining when he turned the ball over? How was it “one catch away”? That dumbass Saints kicker hits the clinching field goal on the drive before and Jeffrey’s drop doesn’t matter. See how that works? It’s a game of opportunities and mistakes always. So, don’t give me “one catch away from the NFC Championship.”

        Reply
        • Weird November 8, 2019 at 11:22 am

          You prove my point. I figured somebody would.

          Your logic is sound.

          Reply
  • I wouldn't be that harsh November 8, 2019 at 10:20 am

    Doug is probably a top ten coach and that is because most coaches in the league are horrible. Look at the list. Maybe he is close to the bottom of the top ten but he is clearly better than around 20 coaches.

    Reply
    • Hextall's Glasses November 8, 2019 at 10:40 am

      I actually laughed at this because it’s pretty accurate. Cruel fate to lose Reich to the Colts. 5-3 (should be 6-2 if their kicker didn’t blow a 40 yarder to end the game) after Luck decided to quit.

      Reply
  • Carson Wentz, 30 Million Dollar Game Manager November 8, 2019 at 11:01 am

    I love how it’s a “given” that this team beats the Giants and Redskins on the road. Both teams are garbage and the Eagles benefit greatly from having four games every year against two of the worst franchises in the NFL the past 8 seasons, but the Giants almost beat them in 2017 and 2018 in Philly. The Redskins had every opportunity to beat them THIS year in Philly. The only given is Miami, and who even knows with that? The arrogance of the media, the Eagles team and the fanbase is astounding.

    That being said, Wentz has all the weapons now his buddy Matthews is back that Foles had. Wentz has no excuse not to run the table. This should be a 12-4 team.

    Reply
    • Weird November 8, 2019 at 11:25 am

      Nothing more. You are just weird.

      Are you related to the Unabomber?

      Rambling nonsense day after day.

      Reply
      • Great point November 8, 2019 at 2:01 pm

        Great point.

        Sincerely,

        U.S. Army Veteran

        Reply
        • Typical lib November 8, 2019 at 2:07 pm

          Won’t move to a bad neighborhood.

          Koo koo

          Woke

          Koo koo

          Reply
    • Devil's advocate November 8, 2019 at 11:37 am

      Are they 6-3 without the drops in Atlanta, or if Ertz runs an 8 yard route instead of 7? Are they 7-2 without the drops against Detroit? These things can be argued all day. Not a Wentz apologist, but you are being too extreme.

      And to your other point, doesn’t NE get to play 2 crap teams twice a year? Doesn’t Baltimore? Dallas? New Orleans? The Rams the past few years until SF suddenly got better? The NFL’s beloved parity is vanishing. The Eagles don’t benefit any more than anyone else.

      Reply
    • Forgot about all those years in their dynasty run November 8, 2019 at 11:50 am

      when New England wasnt gifted 5 to 6 wins a year…

      you know those barn burning teams of the

      Jets,
      Dolphins,
      Bills.

      Game manager just keeps proving points others make, while continuing to try and push his agenda that he believes is right.
      He must be a liberal.

      Reply
    • Coggin Toboggan November 8, 2019 at 12:00 pm

      Didn’t say those wins were a given. I said they “should” win and will be the favorite in all four.

      Reply

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