Maybe you’ve seen this Ben Simmons-for-D’Angelo Russell trade rumor floating around on social media. It comes from The Athletic’s Marcus Thompson, a San Francisco-based writer who included this paragraph in a story titled “Thompson: The Warriors’ latest move illustrates their philosophy — valuing assets over everything” –

One of the interesting possibilities I’ve heard being kicked around is Russell for Philadelphia’s Ben Simmons. The 76ers could use a point guard who can score and run the show — and shoot. Some believe the pairing of Simmons and big man Joel Embiid isn’t viable in their pursuit of a championship. Simmons, as one source told me, is probably the best player the Warriors could possibly get for Russell, just considering the needs of the Warriors and their potential trade partners.

First things first; a Warriors team with Draymond Green and Ben Simmons would be incredibly redundant. You can’t run two non-shooter clones out there, even if they’re surrounded by a healthy Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, and 1991 Dana Barros. The fit would still look really clunky at times, unless Draymond somehow finds a way to rediscover the 39% he shot from three back in 2015. I can’t see that happening.

Second, Brett Brown would never sign off on a trade involving Ben Simmons. Brett would likely have to be fired and things would have to get really bad around here for Simmons to end up on the trade block.

Third, Russell is high-usage, volume shooter who doesn’t defend very well. That’s not exactly what Brown looks for in a point guard, and he’s already having issues this year moving away from a pace and space philosophy to one of slower half court possessions and more frequent play calls. D’Angelo Russell isn’t coming to Philly to run 10.2 pick and roll possessions and 2.3 isolation possessions per game.

It would be myopic of me to say “this will never happen,” since crazier things have indeed taken place in the NBA but here are five things I believe would happen before the Sixers would trade Ben Simmons for D’Angelo Russell:

  1. pigs fly
  2. visiting the Aramingo Avenue Wawa becomes a pleasant experience
  3. Philly votes for a Republican anything (mayor, council member, etc)
  4. traffic flows freely on the Schuylkill Expressway
  5. Penn DOT finishes a project

Enjoy your Thursday.