We’ve found it. The worst article of the week.

Adam Tschorn, according to his Twitter bio, is a “Former Vermonter & current LA Times staffer covering fashion, style, cannabis and all things pop culture.”

He may have been smoking the sweetest cheebah when he wrote a story called “Enough with the WFH sweatpants. Dress like the adult you’re getting paid to be.” It’s a firecracker of a take, and I’ve pulled a few paragraphs for us to analyze:

“I’ve waited, watched and bit my tongue during the last month of the pandemic-induced work-from-home era but I just can’t take it any more. Please, can we all put away those sweatpants, ratty, gray, decades-old collegiate sweatshirts and obscure minor league baseball caps and start our workdays looking like we deserve the paychecks we’re lucky enough to be earning while the world around us burns? Especially, for the love of all that’s holy, if there’s a group video conference involved?”

Yeah, well listen man, we’re in a global pandemic here. People are probably worried more about just getting food on the table and making it through this thing unscathed. They’ve got dogs and babies and spouses running around the house.

Most of the people doing Zoom calls are making themselves look presentable, but they’re not gonna get dressed up like they normally would. There’s no point.

Remember how shocked everyone was in June when then-candidate Andrew Yang turned up at the first Democratic debate without a necktie? Or how bonkers people went on that fateful day in 2014 when President Obama had the audacity to wear a tan suit? Your muscle-T-and-dolphin-shorts look — the one you wear as you’re trying to navigate Zoom from your home office — is kind of like that. It doesn’t matter, but at the same time it kind of does. (Not to mention that these lackluster clothes pull focus from whatever message you’re trying to communicate.)

Nobody was “shocked” by what Yang or Obama wore. Only New York and California media and fashion elites gave a flying fuck about a tan suit or lack of necktie. The rest of us, representing 99.9% of America, only truly cared about what they had to say.

In a best-case scenario, deviating from your expected workplace dress code will lend you an air of calculated insouciance and devil-may-care individuality, but we all know those cargo shorts, second-skin jeggings with the ripped knees, camouflage-print “Duck Dynasty” hoodies, sports bras and NSFW T-shirts (yes, even that one with the photograph of Johnny Cash flipping the bird) aren’t exactly going to telegraph calculated insouciance.

And if your job came with an explicit dress code, it stands to reason that you should adhere to that dress code when you’re doing your job — whether you’re going to be visible to your boss, your coworkers or customers or not. It’s not only a sign of respect. It also demonstrates your ability to follow the rules even when no one is watching. (If you disagree with this, you’re probably the kind of person who, late at night when no one is around, doesn’t wait for the stoplight to change before driving on.)

“Insouciance” is a fancy way to say that you’re indifferent or carefree. Of course this guy had to use it twice in one paragraph, just to show how smart he is.

From watching an NBA game to going out to dinner, so much of what we took for granted back in early March has been ripped away from us. Must we also suffer the indignity — right now — of knowing which of our co-workers prefers to plod around the house in a fishing vest and pork pie hat? What is seen cannot be unseen, and some day you’ll all be back together, clustered around a conference table. And everyone there will know exactly what you’re going to change into when you get home.

Sure, you can wear whatever you want when you’re working from home. However, I really wish you wouldn’t.

Jesus, what a terrible line that is. “However, I really wish you wouldn’t,” reeks of haughty elitism and a total inability to read the room.

This article is almost as bad as the New York Times piece explaining why nobody wants to see your pet during a Zoom call, which is total nonsense. We’re in a very unique time that also happens to be depressing and mentally exhausting for a lot of people. I’d love to see your pup or your toddler or your college sweatshirt during a video call. These are all very humanizing things that bring us down to Earth and remind us that we’re all struggling with the same stuff right now.

When we go back to work, nobody is going to give a shit that you wore a backwards Phillies hat on a Zoom call. We’ll all be glad we can actually see each other in person again after surviving a global pandemic.

Message for Adam Tschorn: