Hoo! Hoo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section much more enlightening.
Those are the words of one of Florida’s finest– Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
He was referring to Ray Finkle’s member, but he just as well could have been talking about Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ Coronavirus policy, which is a fantasy doctrine of do nothing. If it were on a whiteboard, it would just be the word “Brainstorm” with nothing under it.
Anyway, Florida is experiencing an expected surge in cases, just as the NBA puts the finishing touches on plans to bring 300+ millionaire athletes into the cauldron of respiratory disease that is central Florida. What could go wrong?! Well, not much once you get the players inside the luxurious bubble at Disney World.
Problem: they have to fly there, and it looks like we’re gonna need a bigger airport, Captain Winky.
Or perhaps a smaller one.
“[An]Airport in Central Florida had a couple of cases, they did the contract tracing. They looked [at] almost 500 workers [and] 260 people working close together were positive, 52 percent positivity rate on that one,” DeSantis said.
Yeah, no big deal, just an airport in Central Florida.
The wording on that is as obtuse as possible. DeSantis would have you believe there was an outbreak ravaging Iguana Tom’s Seaplane and Breakfast Bar, not Florida’s largest airport.
UPDATE: You’re not going to believe this, but the governor was wrong– simultaneously furthering the hysteria he seeks to avoid and explaining how viruses work to the dolts who think that each case is an isolated incident like when you step in a puddle crossing the street. There were only two cases (out of 500 tests), with 128 more cases linked to the total of 132 airport employees who have tested positive for Coronavirus since March. Either way, Florida still has a problem, just perhaps not at the airport.
But this is… problematic.
Florida has no handle on this, and the greatest sports experiment of our time – which I am wholly rooting for and think can be pulled off so long as Kyrie Irving is banished from the resort – is about to take place in the middle of sheer chaos.
The good news, PER REPORTS, is that many players plan to fly into Orlando through smaller airports:
Hearing that NBA teams may not fly into Orlando International Airport (MCO) upon arrival in Florida. Some may choose to fly into other, smaller and less busy airports in the area and bus to Walt Disney World from there.
— Keith Smith (@KeithSmithNBA) June 17, 2020
Florida Executive Airport sounds about right. Of course, they’ll still have to get on the Magical Express, which may or may not be driven by a wizard puffing out spiked proteins looking for ACE-2 inside the lungs of guys sent to run 94-foot wind-sprints for two and a half hours every other night. This new era of reality TV is gonna be truly wild.