Tens of Thousands Sign Petition to Rename Columbus, Ohio to “Flavortown”

Columbus, Ohio, home of the most insufferable college football program on God’s green Earth, is going to remove the statue of Christopher Columbus standing in front of city hall, according to mayor Andrew Ginther.

Problem is, the city was named after the famous explorer, so some people feel it’s time to take this one step further and come up with a new name.

One suggestion I think we can all get behind is renaming Columbus to “Flavortown” in honor of native son and celebrity chef Guy Fieri. There’s a petition going around right now that has 31,000 signatures as of publication.

Here’s the blurb: 

“Beloved Buckeyes one and all,

Columbus is an amazing city, but one whose name is tarnished by the very name itself. Its namesake, Christopher Columbus, is in The Bad Place because of all his raping, slave trading, and genocide. That’s not exactly a proud legacy.

Why not rename the city Flavortown? The new name is twofold. For one, it honors Central Ohio’s proud heritage as a culinary crossroads and one of the nation’s largest test markets for the food industry. Secondly, cheflebrity Guy Fieri was born in Columbus, so naming the city in honor of him (he’s such a good dude, really) would be superior to its current nomenclature.

I’m not up to date on my Columbus town charter, so whether it takes a council vote or a petition or a town referendum – let’s get the ball rolling for a more flavorful tomorrow.”

I’m all for it, actually signed the petition ten minutes ago.

Flavortown, Ohio, has a great ring to it, and we’d simply adjust the landmarks and local sports teams accordingly, like this:

  • The Flavortown Blue Jackets
  • Flavortown Crew SC
  • THE Ohio State Flavortown Buckeyes
  • The Flavortown Clippers
  • Flavortown Zoo and Aquarium
  • Flavortown College of Art and Design
  • John Glenn Flavortown International Airport
  • Holiday Inn Flavortown Downtown

Not bad at all. Guy Fieri is a great dude and helped raise millions of dollars for restaurant workers during the COVID-19 crisis. I would be so proud to live in a town named after him.

Let’s make this happen. Sign the petition. 

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7 Responses

  1. I lived there for two years. Dull city, but amazing women in that town, believe it or not. Let’s see in what direction this takes the comments now.

  2. I was born in Columbus, Ohio. My heritage goes back over 4 generations in Columbus. All except 2 of my relatives live in Columbus. I am all for changing the name for the reasons stated. However, I DO NOT WANT TO SAY. I WAS BORN IN FLAVORTOWN OHIO OR MY FAMILY LIVES IN FLAVORTOWM OHIO. I understand the reasoning. How should Fieri?

  3. This is just getting silly. What’s next.? Anybody who has the last name White as a last name will have to change it?

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