Nobody wants to hear about your March Madness brackets. Nobody wanted to hear about your fantasy football teams. Nothing is this world is less appealing to hear and forces a listener to feign the barest of bare interest.
But which is worse?
Which topic makes your eyes roll into the back of your skull and crashes your body into an subliminally-induced coma the fastest?
What is more annoying… to hear someone talk about their fantasy football team or their NCAA brackets? Let’s dive into this and see which is worse.
Let’s start here… both are mind numbingly dull topics if they’re not about YOUR brackets or YOUR fantasy teams. There is no greater gap of interest to boredom than the gap of talking about your own brackets or teams compared with listening to someone else talk about theirs. Friendships have been ruined over a person not being able to take hearing one more goddamn minute of a discussion about their buddy’s fantasy draft where Kenny Golladay fell to them in the fifth round. Wives have divorced husbands simply so they never have to hear about the time their significant other picked 12-seed Miami of Ohio over 5-seed Arizona in the 1995 tournament ever again. Sure, the divorce ruined their kids’ mental health and overall well-being in the process, but it was warranted.
Brackets, at least, have the commonality of picking the same games as your peers. You can argue over why you think Michigan will make the Final Four based purely on the only four minutes you watched all year, with your friend who accidentally printed out the NIT bracket and thinks UMASS has a great chance. And despite the fact that both of you will have wasted $20 on a bracket that’s busted by the second round, it can bring you together for the briefest of moments before making you want to slit your wrists after some guy’s 13-year-old nephew wins the $5,000 pool prize for the second year in a row.
Fantasy football teams, while having the commonality of 12 other guys in the same league, mean next to nothing to everyone OUTSIDE of your league. Yes, everyone plays fantasy football, but unless they’re actually in your league they DO NOT give a shit about the bargain you got in the 13th round or how you totally swindled your buddy ‘K-Train’ out of Jason Kelce when he was distracted by the death of his grandmother. SHE WAS HIS GUIDING LIGHT, and he probably didn’t meant to accept Hunter Henry straight up for him, but that’s not your problem.
Yes, everyone picks the same players from the same vast pool, but who cares about hearing about your team outside of your league. The other guys in your league don’t care about your team, why would Suzie from accounting care about your team? At least with March Madness brackets most people can share stories about how poorly they do every year. Those don’t hit the same with fantasy football stories when you “totally lost by 0.2 points” after a last-minute fumble.
And hey, you can only talk about your brackets for a few weeks compared with 16 weeks of fantasy football.
That settles it. Fantasy football discussions edge out NCAA bracket discussions as more annoying in our opinion. What do you think?