My wife watches that show Below Deck on Bravo, and the guy who captains the boat (Captain Lee) delivers these great one-liners with regularity.

Among them:

“We screwed the pooch so many times we should have a litter of puppies running around.”

“I’m madder than a pissed-on chicken.”

“Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the more shit you have to eat.”

It’s all excellent stuff. And you could apply any of these lines to the Phillies’ center field situation right now, which is putrid. It’s dire. Pull any word you want out of Webster’s Thesaurus.

Here’s the statistic:

It’s really bad. And they’ve tried a variety of players there. Moniak had a good Spring and was a recent call up. Adam Haseley and Roman Quinn have taken turns. Scott Kingery is available but remains stuck in alternate site purgatory with Odubel Herrera.

Individually, then, here’s what each guy has done this season:

  • Adam Haseley: 21 at bats, 4 hits, 4 strikeouts, .190 average, .429 OPS (currently not with the team for personal reasons)
  • Roman Quinn: 23 at bats, 1 hit, 10 strikeouts, 3 walks, .043 average, .285 OPS
  • Mickey Moniak: 12 at bats, 0 hits, 8 strikeouts, 2 walks, .000 average, .183 OPS
  • Scott Kingery: banished to alternate site
  • Odubel Herrera: banished to alternate site

That’s the situation.

RE: Kingery, this is what’s going on right now:

That rules him out of the center field conversation for the time being. He’s a separate story entirely.

Which leaves us with Odubel Herrera. We don’t have to re-litigate the domestic violence thing for the 400th time, nor do we need another lecture from the 2-man/1-woman crew of The Mike Missanelli Show, but you can ask if he’s the best center fielder the Phillies have right now, and the answer is probably yes. It’s not some amazingly profound thing; it’s just a product of a unique situation that is entirely untenable right now.

As of 4/20/21, the best solution here is either making a trade or bringing Odubel up. I’m not sure what other avenue is worth traversing right now. The other four options really are not options at this point, but if you’ve got another idea, we’re all ears.

Dave Dombrowski, time is yours.