50 Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan: Vacation Edition

Milton Waddams, from Office Space

Not gonna lie; I’m a little burned out. That Sixers “playoff run” took years off my life. All of the Ben Simmons and Doc Rivers discourse, falling well short of expectations, blah blah, etc. Just totally excruciating and exhausting.

I’m going on vacation for a week. I’m Milton Waddams from Office Space, sitting in the lounge chair at a beach-front resort. Bob is gonna run the site in my absence and tells me that it’s gonna be all Phillies, all the time. That’s good because it’s hitting season and the Phils are only four games out of first place as we approach mid-July. It’s about time we got it back to baseball on this website.

In the meantime, I’m leaving you with another edition of the critically-acclaimed 50 Hot Takes column.

  1. There’s nothing wrong with a gender reveal. Young couples are just having fun and enjoying a big moment in their lives. They’re not “selfish” or anything like that.
  2. Brett Brown would have won that Sixers/Hawks series.
  3. The Michael Rubin/Bob Kraft thing is a little weird. Kraft is 80 years old and Rubin is 48. How many of your friends are 32 years older than you?
  4. This will be the most enjoyable Eagles season since the 2017 Super Bowl year.
  5. I don’t want to hear anything negative about Kohl’s.
  6. 99% of people talking about Critical Race Theory don’t even know what Critical Race Theory is.
  7. Ben Simmons Twitter talk makes me want to kill myself.
  8. Using a picture of an athlete as your Twitter avatar is really odd.
  9. More specifically, if someone’s Twitter avatar is Ben Simmons or an anime figure, just block/mute and move on. You’re not getting any worthwhile discussion from that person.
  10. Fiber is overrated. I recommend consuming LESS fiber.
  11. The word “toxic” is very close to jumping the shark.
  12. It’s not “snobbery” to brew experimental and eclectic beers. The snobbery comes from how you brand and describe your product. That’s the difference between that place in Hatfield and that place in Ardmore. Snobbery is about attitude, not the product itself.
  13. One food that is underrated is buffalo FISH. For real. It’s like doing boneless wings, but you swap out the chicken for seafood instead.
  14. Wendy’s is head and shoulders above Burger King and McDonald’s. Not a close competition at this point.
  15. The Northeast Extension of the PA Turnpike doesn’t have enough exits. Need an exit at route 202 and another one at 563. This is long overdue.
  16. Krasner and McNesby both need to go. The city can do a lot better than both of those guys.
  17. People like to make fun of the Fanatic’s “Fan Fest,” but it’s just sports fans getting together and having some fun. No harm, no foul.
  18. Dogs should slow down when they eat. They should try to taste and enjoy the food.
  19. It’s really pathetic that people are going back to work after COVID and now returning the cats and dogs they adopted to the shelter.
  20. There’s no such thing as a “girly truck.”
  21. There’s no such thing as “girly beer.”
  22. No one cares how many beers you drank last night.
  23. Everybody in this region should be forced to spend at least two years living somewhere else. We have a very narrow worldview.
  24. Potty training is brutal.
  25. One contribution from the younger generation that I like is using the word “ass” to mean “not very good.” i.e., that Flyers performance was “ass.”
  26. Everybody involved with The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should be in jail. We’ve got rappers in the Hall, but not Judas Priest and Motorhead and Iron Maiden.
  27. If you’re gonna do anything that goes on a bun, the meat cannot be wider than the bun itself. You can’t have a burger or a breakfast sandwich where the meat is hanging off the side.
  28. Bryce Harper is trying too hard with the Philly stuff. Just be yourself.
  29. Receipts are way too long. We’re killing trees out here for CVS coupons you’ll never use.
  30. A take from an anonymous person whom I recently interacted with: “I like Bruce Springsteen’s Christmas songs, even though he can’t sing.”
  31. All problems can be solved with 600mg of Ibuprofen.
  32. 50% of parenting is getting up and then sitting back down. The maximum amount of time you can remain in one position is maybe four seconds.
  33. The Mikal Bridges trade was not the worst part of the 2018 draft. The Sixers had Shai-Gilgeous Alexander and Michael Porter Jr. both available and passed.
  34. The Eagles should be banned from playing music at practice. It’s so bad.
  35. The worst take of the last five years was when Ronald Darby proclaimed Lil’ Uzi Vert “the next Michael Jackson.” He should have been waived on the spot.
  36. We could solve every problem in this country by cutting the military budget by 2.5% and taxing the churches at a 1% rate.
  37. Buffalo Wild Wings is great. I don’t care what Kyle says. I’m gonna head down to the Oaks location a little later today for some boneless wings and a side salad.
  38. Go to the grocery store and get the Old El Paso nacho cheese flavored taco shells. It’s a Taco Bell rip off, but it’s the best.
  39. Not a fan of the “let’s just get rid of the national anthem at sporting events” take. Imagine saying there’s no need for Ron Brooks or Lauren Hart. That’s fugazi bro!
  40. One of the dumbest things people say is “I like all kinds of music.” No you don’t. You’re not watching death metal Youtube videos. You like whatever is on the radio.
  41. Ben Simmons should have played at the Olympics. There’s nothing wrong with his form. He doesn’t need to re-work his shot or his mechanics. He needs to get over the mental hurdle, and this would have been a completely different environment in which he could thrive.
  42. Reggie Bush should get his Heisman Trophy back.
  43. In a world with Wawa, Sheetz, Royal Farms, etc, there is no longer a need for 7-Eleven.
  44. The best iced tea flavor is peach. Gotta get the Turkey Hill or Wawa jawnz.
  45. Guest take from Coggin: “Bull Durham is an overrated sports movie that is nothing more than a glorified rom-com.”
  46. Guest take from Tim: “Twisted Tea Light is the greatest malt beverage in the United States.”
  47. Guest take from Phil: “fireworks should be banned unless for professional shows” (I agree)
  48. The best movie scene of the last 15 years comes from Knocked Up. It’s the doorman scene, with Craig Robinson – “You old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old, pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy!
  49. If you’re scared, get a dog.
  50. Bob Wankel is a content machine and baseball mastermind. I’d give my left arm for Big Bet Bob.

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