Ranking the Possible Washington Football Team Nicknames from Best to Worst

from their Youtube series

The Washington Football Team recently revealed that they’ve narrowed down their list of potential new nicknames to three options. That news was dropped in their Making the Brand series, with a third episode featuring President Jason Wright, GM Martin Mayhew, and head coach Ron Rivera.

Those three names aren’t revealed, but they were culled from a group of eight that includes:

  • Washington Armada
  • Washington Presidents
  • Washington Brigade
  • Washington RedHogs
  • Washington Commanders
  • Washington RedWolves
  • Washington Defenders
  • Washington Football Team

50% of those names totally stink, but the others are good.

Here’s how we’d rank them, from best to worst:

1) Washington RedWolves

If we’re changing over from “Redskins” to something else, then keeping “Red” in the name feels like an appropriate continuation of sorts. Red Wolves works. “Red Tails” was another suggestion people liked. Even “Washington Wolves” would work. As far as I know, the only other “Red Wolves” moniker belongs to Arkansas State University, and they’ve got a pretty badass logo to go with it.

2) Washington RedHogs

“Hogs” would be a nod to the Washington offensive line of the 80s and 90s. That resulted in a fan group popping up, which featured dudes in hog noses and dresses. They aren’t active anymore, but there’s some history with this name.

3) Washington Football Team

It’s plain, simple, and boring, but it works. If the organization wanted to say “fuck y’all we’re not coming up with a new name,” they could just go with WFT perpetually. Daniel Snyder stinks, but this would be a power move on his part.

4) Washington Armada

An armada is a fleet of warships, which is a lot better and more unique than some of these other options. There was a Jacksonville Armada soccer team that used an anchor on their crest, but otherwise it’s a unique nickname.

5) Washington Commanders

Sounds like an AAF name, but invokes authority, I guess. Feels generic to me.

6) Washington Defenders

Are we paying homage to the defunct D.C. Defenders, who played a handful of games at Audi Field before COVID sunk the XFL’s comeback attempt? This name is okay, I guess, but the Cleveland Indians decided to go with “Guardians” and it feels redundant, even if the sports leagues are different.

7) Washington Brigade

Meh. “Brigade” doesn’t generate any kind of feeling one way or another.

8) Washington Presidents

The Washington Presidents? It’s such a shitty and divisive time in this country that anything referencing any kind of political position or thought would probably be a disaster. Plus, who is the last president that was universally loved by the entire country? It’s not Biden. Not Trump. Not Obama. Not Bush. They’d be better off naming themselves the Washington Corrupt Career Politicians or the Washington Swamp Drainers. “Washington Presidents” shouldn’t have made it past the first round.