I don’t think I ever need to see another postgame locker room speech from Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie for as long as I live.
Lurie’s postgame celebrations peaked after the 2017 NFC Divisional Round playoff win against the Falcons when he showed off some of the greatest dad dance moves this city has ever witnessed. But his performance plummeted back down to earth after Sunday’s victory against the Falcons, giving a wholly uninspired speech to the assembled team after a fire-and-brimstone rally cry from Nick Sirianni.
Luckily for us, the Eagles posted the postgame celebration on their social media channels.
Round 1 ✔
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) September 13, 2021
Awesome. Jubilant players, an amazing speech from Sirianni and an extraordinarily high energy level from a team that could surprise the NFL this year.
And then comes Lurie. His speech goes over like a dropped piece of wet, raw liver splatting on a linoleum kitchen floor.
You can’t go from Sirianni’s rallying cry:
“That’s the dog mentality right there. When that cage opens up, I don’t care what the score was in the first half, when that cage open up again our teeth are snarling, we’re drooling, we’re ready and we’re hungry and ready to hunt again…and again…and again…and again. That’s a great team win, guys, but guess what? We’re going to enjoy this for a little bit, and then it’s round two. Then it’s round two…this time it’s in Philly. It’s in Philly, round two.”
To Lurie’s “I’m just one of the guys!” speech:
“Alright! To Coach Sirianni, but to every coach and player in this locker room. Everybody in this locker room, you’ve been talking fundamentals since April, May, June, July, August. Today was an example of it. It’s round one, that’s all it is, but I just couldn’t be more proud of you. To Nick, the whole coaching staff, to everyone in this room. This is the first of many, I think you guys can feel it. This is the first of many. Take care of your bodies. Onto the 49ers.”
The “take care of your bodies” line kills me. Gee thanks Mr. Lurie! I was half expecting him to tell the locker room that “women weaken legs.”
Jeff, if you’re not going to dance I don’t want to see you in the locker room for the rest of your season. Be better.