Categories: Eagles

Let Dallas Linebacker Micah Parsons’ Comments Refuel Your Cowboys Hate

It’s Dallas week! Does Dallas week matter anymore? Not as much as it once did, but you’re only kidding yourself if you don’t see a shot of Jerry Jones in his luxury suite and at least briefly imagine how wonderful his plastic face would look like after being caved in by an errant Dak Prescott pass.

I guess we can dream, but I don’t think Prescott’s got that kind of arm strength anymore.

I digress. The JUICE for this Monday Night Football matchup against the Cowboys seems to be slightly lacking. Maybe rookie Cowboys linebacker Micah Parsons and his recent comments on Jalen Hurts can help you feel that tingle once again.

That’s what I need. A cocky former Penn State University linebacker donning the silver and blue and promising to smoke Hurts, referencing a movie that came out 15 years before he was born…THAT’S THE GOOD STUFF, BABY.

Good….good….let the hate flow through you, Philadelphia.

Through the preseason and two games thus far Parsons has shown he can be an excellent professional football player, already recording nine tackles and a sack. But good god that is a corny thing to say. You can’t make a reference to the Terminator without sounding insanely lame. What song is he going to request the team come out to as they’re announced? Bad to the Bone? Give me a break.

Hopefully Parsons follows suit to the ending of the first “Terminator” movie. You know the one, where the killer robot is crushed by a massive pneumatic press in a factory that only produces sparks or some such nonsense.

Let Kenneth Gainwell play the pneumatic press to Parsons’ terminator. Gainwell’s done it before to amazing reviews.

Go Birds.

Coggin Toboggan

I have no merits or accomplishments worth noting. Founder of Philadelphia's most trusted sports blog, The Coggin Toboggan. Can I just take a minute of your time to share the good word about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

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