A lot of fake videos and pictures have been running wild around the Internet the last 48 hours with this whole Russia mess. I’m glad we can put a big ‘ol red Snopes ‘X’ on another false one.

Bryson Stott was on the Officially Unofficial podcast and debunked the ranch thing:

 

If the video doesn’t make sense to you I’ll set the scene.

Bryson Stott plays Fortnite with his brother and Cincinnati Reds pitcher, Amir Garrett. At the beginning of Fortnite you jump from a bus and land on the map. It’s very strategic where you land on the map to get loot and other things to ‘build.’ Also, if you wait too long to jump out with your team you could be on the complete opposite side of the map from them without any resources or backup. Bryson was scooping ice cream as the bus was leaving and Amir was getting on him about not being ready for the jump. Bryson, as a joke, says “I’m putting ranch on my ice cream shut up!” So he makes a bowl of ice cream for himself then makes another bowl just to pour ranch over. And that’s how we get this picture:


Thank God this isn’t true. If Bryson Stott actually put ranch on his ice cream, the only action is for Dave Dombrowski to move him for Mike Trout and a couple of top 5 prospects. A guy who eats ranch and ice cream together is a bona fide clubhouse cancer. A true #1 prospect would never be a ranch on their ice cream guy. Save the weird shit for the looney tunes, like Hans Crouse. Hans probably puts ranch on everything. Ice cream, turkey at Thanksgiving, Lemonheads. Everything. We all have a friend that puts ranch on everything. If you don’t, your ranch guy is the snake or tarantula as a pet guy in your crew. You need to keep these kinds of people at an arm’s length. Wings, pizza, salad/veggies, french fries, and chicken tenders are the only foods ranch is ok with. Anything else and you’re just looking to watch the world burn. In the rare case you have a ranch friend who also owns a spider, cut him out of your life immediately. That’s a ticking time bomb.

UPDATE: I was alerted to this from reader GarbageManOtto that Dak Prescott puts ranch on his spaghetti!??? –

I did a little bit of digging and he actually admits this. That’s pre-crime folks. Don’t be like Rayne Dakota Prescott. Can’t trust a guy who has a belly full of ranch spaghetti on gameday or whose favorite color is gray: