Michael Rubin Got His Daughter A TANK For Her 16th Birthday

from Rubin's Instagram

Most 16 year old daughters of billionaires get a Tesla and an insane birthday party. Michael Rubin gets his 16 year old daughter a killing machine:

This is a hilarious way to tell your little girl she’s about to get drafted into WWIII in a couple years. Uncle Sam doesn’t care that your daddy owns the Sixers, grab a gun and get on the front line.

I’d have to imagine a tank as your first car is probably the best case scenario. Who’s fucking with the person who has a tank? Anyone can have a Mercedes. Nobody has a tank. Oh some senior stole your parking spot in the high school lot? Crush their car with your tank. The car in front of you won’t move up so both of us can turn left when the light hits yellow? Fire the mortar.  Don’t have enough space in the tank for the girls to go to the mall? Climb up on the tank. You’re riding next to the turret. Michelle is on periscope duty.

One day I hope to know what “fuck you” money is like.

My first car was a 1993 Mazda Protege. The most underrated Japanese import since Mario Kart 64. That baby would purr once I got it into 4th gear. 0-60 in 15 seconds flat. Unfortunately, 60mph was what it topped out at, but it could still dust this tank with a good tailwind. The most expensive thing in it was the new car stereo and subwoofers that came with it. I would roll into the parking lot blasting Mac Miller’s KIDS riding dirty at 7:45 a.m. As I’m sure you can picture, I was very popular.

Kinkead: would this tank go on the Mount Rushmore? You gotta add Tank Abbott, Gervonta Davis, and Hollis “Tank” Thomas. 

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