Today is national cheesesteak day. Hooray! –

Who gives a shit? Talking about your favorite cheesesteak spot is like talking about your fantasy football team. Nobody cares that you started Darren Waller, same way nobody cares that you like Jim’s better than Pat’s.

The other thing is that there’s fake cheesesteak elitism that is pervasive on social media. Here’s a typical conversation:

Guy #1: “only tourists go to Geno’s and Pat’s”

Guy #2: “oh yeah?”

Guy #1: “Yeah I go to (insert one of Ishkabibble’s, Dalessandro’s, etc)

Good for you, guy #1. You’re so elite. You don’t eat Geno’s or Pat’s cheesesteaks. You only eat at the super-cool spot.

If contrarianism is the 2022 hot take, then how about this? –

People should be able to go get a cheesesteak from anywhere they want. Who cares if Geno’s and Pat’s are tourist spots? If somebody likes their cheesesteaks, then they can go eat a cheesesteak there. The social media “Geno’s and Pat’s aren’t cool” take is 10 years old and beyond tired at this point. Down with all self-important cheesesteak takes! You sound like the guy who says “I saw Metallica before they cut their hair.”

The truth is that cheesesteak discourse jumped the shark a long time ago. It’s so contrived. Most people who live in Philadelphia eat how many cheesesteaks per year? A half dozen? The way we talk about cheesesteaks here, plus the national cliche placed upon us, you’d think we eat a cheesesteak every other day. But I’m willing to bet that if you polled the average city resident, they’d probably tell you they eat one every 6-8 weeks, if that. Cincinnati is known for chili but do you think the 34-year-old dude living there goes to Skyline every week? No, he doesn’t. Same with any food any city is known for. You think Chicagoans have their freezer stocked with deep dish pizza reserves? Of course not.

The thing about banal cheesesteak discussion is that there are so many spots in Philly and South Jersey making all sorts of good sandwiches. There’s always that guy on social media who is like “fuck cheesesteaks, get roast pork,” but he’s not wrong. We have roast pork, Italian spots, independent delis, etc. If anything, we should be known as a sandwich city, not a cheesesteak city. I’d put the Philly/South Jersey sandwich scene up against any sandwich scene on the planet, yet we get sidetracked with dopey Twitter discussion about which cheesesteak place is better than the other.

Therefore, we are setting new cheesesteak discourse rules:

  1. nobody gives a shit if cheesesteak spot X if better than cheesesteak spot Y
  2. people are allowed to like Geno’s and Pat’s without Twitter doofuses telling them those are “tourist spots”
  3. we aren’t a cheesesteak city, we’re a sandwich city

These are the new guidelines. We’ll present them to Mayor Kenney and Helen Gym and everybody on city council for approval.