Gabe Kapler is Wrong About Moustaches

Gabe Kapler via Twitter

Reigning National League Manager of the Year Gabe Kapler is answering the important questions:

Wow.

I’ve never even thought about this question. If you have a beard, do you also have a moustache?

I think not. In that instance, the moustache becomes part of the beard itself, and is not a separate entity. You could lump both together and say you have “facial hair,” but the moustache is only a moustache when existing without the presence of other hair, i.e. you’re Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, or “Goose” from Top Gun.

Kapler is wrong. Bad take! The players with full beards are not participating in “Moustache May.” It’s kind of like when people do the “Movember” thing, right? Nobody is raising awareness for men’s health issues with a full beard. The whole point was that you shave everything at the end of October and then only grow out the moustache for November. All of your friends were walking around with the gross 1980s porno look, but it was for a good cause.

The final point Kapler makes though is a decent one. What if your moustache length is greater than the rest of your facial hair? One example you can use is Lemmy from Motorhead, who actually had the mutton chops, but the moustache was more pronounced than the sides:

photo credit: Metal Castle

These are important questions to ask. I personally believe that Gabe Kapler is wrong about moustaches, but the more important thing is that they’re growing out the facial hair for charity:

(Austin) Slater and other Giants teamed up with BreakingT to create custom Giants-themed Mustache May shirts. A portion of all proceeds will be donated to Bring Change to Mind, a nonprofit organization that aims to end the stigma surrounding mental health issues. That’s been an important issue in the Giants clubhouse the last three seasons.

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