Ben Simmons needs a guy in his immediate crew who is down to Earth. Some guy that understands the internet so he stops getting memed to death by the internet. A guy that’s going to follow him around and say, “Hey Ben don’t stand in front of the job search company’s logo” – 

Or, “Hey Ben you’re going to be on the bench all night. We should keep a low profile. Instead of wearing Derelicte how about a black shirt and jeans?” – 

“Hey Ben, do you think a collab with Ferrari right now is the move? You haven’t played basketball in a year and two separate fanbases hate your guts. Also, it opens you up to a lot of clutch jokes.” –

Just easy stuff like that.

Does it violate the CBA if you experiment on your players? Is Pavlov still alive and kicking? Because if you’re the Nets how do you not at least bring this up in a meeting? Every time Ben’s about to do something stupid, like release a NFT project, Sean Marks taps a bell and he does whatever the opposite is. Or they brainwash him with “Relax” every time he’s in a summer open gym hitting threes. So now when it comes on at the Barclays Center he turns into a sharpshooter. It worked in Zoolander. Why didn’t the Sixers think of this?

P.S. I’ve used this move by Steve Nash:

This is usually reserved for high school reunions or charity golf events during the group photo at the end when you somehow find yourself next to the guy you hate the most. You pose with the arms behind your back instead of putting your arm around him. Courteous but also inserting dominance. Do you know how hard it is to piss off a Canadian? Outside of Quebec, they’re like the friendliest people in the world and Nash can’t even fake like he wants to put his arm around Ben for two seconds.