Ben Simmons has slowly made his way back to the Internet. Over the weekend, he posted for the first time on Instagram since September of 2021:
Honestly, fantastic PR move to have your first post in almost a year be at a charity event for kids. Zero chance that was someone from Klutch pulling the strings, because it didn’t involve Ben losing a million dollars.
Then, Tuesday afternoon, he launched his own Discord channel. For the olds, a Discord is an instant messaging app a lot of video game streamers use to interact with their “community”. It has different threads like those early internet message boards you used to be on, trading naked pictures of Jenna Jameson. You and your kid’s childhoods aren’t as different as you think, so when you actually have something to talk to him about at the dinner table tonight you’re welcome.
Ben answered a few questions about Furkan Korkmaz, Paul Reed, NFT projects, gave a hilarious reply about DeAndre Jordan, and just wanted to know who wanted to run fours… not on the blacktop though. In Call of Duty:
“Great hooper”? Ben Simmons is a graduate of the LeBron James school of General Managing.
Everyone in the world loves Paul Reed. Except Doc Rivers.
Honestly poetic. I wonder if Ben thinks this is dickhead behavior. I call it guerrilla journalism:
Why the grievance, Ben? Why the grievance? pic.twitter.com/yabd0nONUZ
— Crossing Broad (@CrossingBroad) March 10, 2022
Gigantic Howard Eskin vibes:
Very normal adult like sense of humor. How many times do you think Ben Simmons laughs out loud at the “I like turtles” kid? He probably couldn’t wait to show Kevin Durant “Charlie bit my finger” the first time he saw him in the locker room.
Spot the lie.
But the main goal of this server was finding people he could play Call of Duty with. There was so much COD. Thanks to this new group chat you can grasp what a day in the life of Ben Simmons is like:
Tuesday evening – COD:
Take a break for some WNBA:
Tuesday night – COD:
Tuesday morning – Just hopped off COD:
Wednesday morning- Wake up off six hours of sleep. Probably sneak in a game or two of COD:
Wait three hours so the Nets intern in charge of monitoring the Discord thinks you actually went to treatment and didn’t just play 10 games of Warzone:
I give the Discord two weeks. There’s no doubt a Nets blogger will do a deep dive of how much COD Ben Simmons plays and the effect gaming chairs have on the back. It’ll blow up and the Nets organization will ask him to shut it down behind the scenes.
P.S. This answer annoyed me more than I’d like to admit:
There is no shot Ben Simmons drinks beer. He’s a spritzer with a twist of lemon guy. I can’t see Ben Simmons chugging Miller Lites or slamming a Cape May IPA. He definitely thinks it tastes like hoppy pinecone butthole because he has the palette of a child.