Someone Get Torts a South Jersey Realtor

Torts update:

Torts is looking for a farm/ranch in South Jersey to raise his four dogs (Pit Bull mixes) and three horses. #Flyers

— Sam Carchidi (@BroadStBull) June 30, 2022

Did Carson Wentz ever sell his house? That place was in the middle of fucking nowhere! It made Boyertown look like San Francisco. Made Plumsteadville look like a bustling metropolis.

Remember this photo? –

via Bright MLS

Plenty of space there for pitties and horses. Decent school district I think. Upper Pittsgrove any good? No clue.

For real though, let’s get Torts a realtor. Mike Trout’s parents are still living down there. There’s plenty of room in the Millville/Vineland region for Torts to explore. Get him a personal driver up to Voorhees and South Philly and it’s all good.

Actually, here’s a good idea:

https://twitter.com/SportsDad215/status/1542603737931431937?s=20&t=eW4_dLGhp4fvVBlIXYfg-g

Yes, this is a great plan. Castellanos moves out, Torts moves in, and then Nick starts RAKING in July. But then if the Flyers stink, Torts might have to move out and we just bulldoze Ben’s old place instead. Raze it to the ground. End the curse!