Ladies and gentlemen, your 2022 Philadelphia Phillies are going to the World Series.
We all knew it this was inevitable from the moment this season started. If you didn’t clearly see that this roster was a team of destiny, then brother, you don’t know baseball. It was written in the stars from the moment Aaron Nola threw out the first pitch more than six months ago against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Joe Girardi was a mere road bump on the Phillies’ highway to success, and the fans knew it. Philadelphia fans always know. We’re always right.
But you know what? Despite the positivity that exudes from this city on a daily basis, there’s always one subsection of miserable idiots who do nothing but complain. People can bitch about anything and everything, and sadly they did so throughout this amazing Phillies season
But you also know what? Now is the time we get to take a look back at some of their worst opinions. Us, the true fans, get to sit back and laugh at their Negadelphia ways, to put a spotlight on their boorish behavior. We know baseball, we knew this National League pennant was going to come easy for the Fightins. We knew there was never a moment in doubt.
Let’s take a look at some of the worst showings this season from these moron fans:
Having a porch and not watching the Phillies fucking rules. pic.twitter.com/a5hWIcZoDz
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) October 2, 2022
Oh is it, fuckface? Having a porch and not watching the Phillies is a good time to you? I notice you’re not sitting out there with any friends. That’s about right. I bet you jumped on the bandwagon the second the Phillies clinched the third wild card and watched every single inning of every single postseason game during this run. What a hypocritical piece of garbage. These fans stink:
Phillies doubleheader today? You know what that means. pic.twitter.com/MhOQB26TeE
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) September 30, 2022
Oh wow that’s just hilarious. A Clubber Lang reference from a movie that hasn’t been culturally significant since the 80s, good job. I’m pretty sure this was the doubleheader against the Washington Nationals that saved the Phillies postseason hopes. Kyle Schwarber led off the second game with a home run, which I’m sure you MISSED because you were too busy thinking of snarky tweets to send out there while the Phillies fought for their postseason lives. YOU MAKE ME SICK:
Hey @Phillies pic.twitter.com/WYn1vtt3uY
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) September 29, 2022
Just disrespectful of a hometown squad. They play 162 games a year while you probably sit on your fat ass and do nothing but complain. Real funny too, using a reference from a movie that’s nearly three decades old. Great stuff. Way to keep it current, dipshit:
Phillies fans watching this utter meltdown pic.twitter.com/dOnC8hRAMK
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) September 29, 2022
Bottom of the barrel here. Making fun of someone’s physical appearance? Classy. The guy was fired. HE CRIED ON AIR when it happened. Way to add to his misery. Mike Missanelli was a cornerstone figure in Philadelphia sports talk for decades, and you’re reminding him and fans that he once looked like he drank from the wrong Holy Grail like the Nazi-sympathizer from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? These fans, I love Philadelphia, but sometimes we really stink. Gross:
Can a reporter ask the Phillies franchise if they heard the boos postgame?
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) July 25, 2022
Maybe let the professional journalists do their job, fella? Always obnoxious when “fans” do a 180 and try to get serious when their social media feeds are 99% idiotic observations and rambling, vomit-spewed thoughts that nobody gives two shits about. Eww. I’m getting douche-chills just looking at this. Really making a difference here in the Philadelphia sports journalism world with that tweet, dummy:
At least nobody in the Phillies clubhouse will be able to point fingers if the season goes awry.
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) July 11, 2022
Posted moments after Alec Bohm broke his finger and two weeks after Bryce Harper broke his hand. Only psychopaths and weak-willed fools take heart in the suffering of others. How’d you like if we broke your finger and you wouldn’t be able to go to your custodian job for two weeks, you absolute dud? We don’t come to your place of work and knock the mop out of your hands:
Me realizing I’ve arrived yet again at the point of the Phillies season where I’m actively rooting against the team. pic.twitter.com/8pp3CqdVrL
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) May 30, 2022
Rooting against the team? IN MAY?! HE ADMITTED IT! This is the type of moron who declares his hatred for a Philadelphia team just two months into a six month season and then gleefully hops back onto the bandwagon at like 15 different points of the summer. I bet he even forced his kid to wear a Phillies shirt to school today instead of the Minecraft shirt he wanted to wear. Just a classic worm:
It’s not even June and I’m already at this stage with the Phillies. pic.twitter.com/5F9eKCQBnB
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) May 20, 2022
Lazy, lazy tweeting from this obnoxious dork. Publicly declaring your disgust with the Phillies on May 19th? Awesome. I’m sure everyone who follows you thought this was just a wonderfully witty, hilarious tweet featuring a stock photo from a show that’s been referenced to death on social media:
Don’t worry gang, (insert obligatory ‘it’s a long season’ platitude here). Phillies will be fine.
— CogginToboggan (@CogginToboggan) April 15, 2022
April 15th. Two weeks into the season and this cat is ready to throw in the towel. Sarcasm is the lowest form of comedy. Could he BE any less funny?
Put all these terrible Philadelphia fans on notice, gang. We deserve better than this as a city. To all the true fans out there, go Phils.