Eagles

The Eagles are the Most Potent Crime-Stopping Force in Philadelphia

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Oct 17th, 2022 · 10:33 AM EDT

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This is amazing:

For the second time in a month, it happened again – the @Eagles won and Philly police reported no overnight incidents across the city.

Someone smarter than me needs to study this phenomena.

I feel like Princess Leia: "Help us Iggles-Wan-Kenobi, you're our only hope." https://t.co/8lh2Ja7x3v pic.twitter.com/WRgAM2EMSq

— Stephanie Farr (@FarFarrAway) October 17, 2022

Steve Keeley had nothing to do on Monday morning. Poor guy has been on the carjacking and shooting beat for the last two years. He deserved a break and finally got one, thanks to the Eagles. Can’t FOX put him on something besides violence anyway? Send this guy out to Fall Fest in Bucks County and let him pick apples on live television. Give him a fluff job at the Tabora Farm pumpkin patch.

For real though, Kenney, Krasner, Outlaw, McNesby, and assorted other doofuses running things in Philadelphia should be cutting a check to Jeffrey Lurie as we speak. The football team continues to do what they cannot. If the Eagles played and won every night, Wawa would have a store on every corner. We could defund the police and use the money to fill the potholes, and/or fire the Roosevelt Boulevard into the sun and start over with a non-deathtrap road. The possibilities are endless, thanks to your Eagles.