After losing 5-3 to Winnipeg on Sunday, John Tortorella turned in a press conference shorter than the microwave time for your kid’s macaroni and cheese:

I’ve transcribed the entire thing for your reading pleasure:

Q: How do you think your team responded, especially after going down 3-0 in the first 10 minutes?

A: It’s self-explanatory. Ask me a question you haven’t answered.

Q: John, do you come away from this game more frustrated by your inability to take advantage of the comeback, or more enthused by the fact that you did come back?

A: See, I don’t think we played bad in the first period. We have two mistakes. A tip-in goal’s a tip-in goal. We have two mistakes and it’s in our net. I still think we played a good first period.

Q: What did you see on the fourth goal –

A: I didn’t.

Q: You talked before the game about Felix needing one more save, was tonight an example of that?

A: You have the answer. Ask me questions you don’t have the answers to.

Q: John what did you think the fourth line brought tonight in terms of forechecking –

A: What’s that?

Q: What did the fourth line bring with their forecheck?

A: Ask me another question.

Q: What was your message to the team after the game?

A: I don’t talk to the team after the game.

Q: (something about the first period)

A: We had chances. We had chances. They did. We had a major breakdown in front of our net. It’s in our net. Tip-in goal is a tip-in goal. We had chances, we just didn’t capitalize.

Q: What did you think of Kevin Hayes’ performance tonight?

A: Hayesy played well.

The end.