This is the new queen of Philadelphia:

I’ve done roughly two years of research on Philly fans and I feel like I’ve seen it all. So when I hear someone say Philly fans are a different breed, I typically brush it off because I’m desensitized to it all. I assume sports fans around the country are nuts. But then you travel to Denver to argue with some Nuggets fans, realize how boring they are, and all of a sudden a bunch of Sixers fans from Delco start to simulate jerking off on them. That’s when you realize it’s true. We’re built different.

Here’s the full video:

And because I know all of you are wondering what our new queen’s IG is, here you go:

If you can stand out between the 100,000 other dudes who have already called dibs on her, you’re meant to be. Just send me an invite to the wedding.