This water thing is crazy. If you’re living under a rock and unaware, some latex shit spilled in Bucks County and got into the Delaware River, compromising (possibly) the Philly water supply. Local government officials fudged the communication (shocker), and people flocked to local stores like Ack-a-me to buy up all of the bottled water:

The ridiculous thing is these people saying the water will be fine until 11:59 p.m. on Monday night. What happens then? Does the water turn to shit? Is Philly on a boil advisory? Do you grow a third arm if you drink the water, or get diarrhea? Or maybe both? Maybe you morph into the that fish guy from The Shape of Water.

We’ve got plenty of clean water up here in Montco and we’re ready to help out. Seriously. We should just load the trains with water and send ’em on down and then you guys return the empty bottles to us. All hands on deck. I’ll get the Lansdale boys together and we’ll head down to the city and toss out bottled water like Trump flinging toilet paper rolls in Puerto Rico.