Move over Cecily Tynan! Take a hike Sue Serio! The Boy is back in town! John Bolaris dug his foot in the ground, stared right in the face of his opponent, and called his shot like Babe Ruth at Wrigley. He knew Major League Baseball was playing a dangerous game with Opening Day. Like trusting Russian hookers in Miami, John knew MLB would come to regret their decision the next day. Which they did because now we’re missing out on the greatest weather a Phillies Opening Day has ever seen.

#JohnBolarisWasRight:

Are people finally ready to forgive John B for the “storm of the century” call? It was 2001. The Internet wasn’t even real. Teenagers were rubbing antennas together trying to see a boob on Skinemax. He’s not the first guy to make something seem bigger than it really is. We’ve got satellites bigger than the Comcast Center now and weather people are lucky to bat 1.000. But weather is a “what have you done for me lately” business. You’re only as good as your last prediction. And Bolaris could be back for one final run, like MJ on the Wizards.

I mean the weather is boring now. It’s not worth watching unless the anchors are talking about double fisting each other. Nowadays I can go on my phone and get the 10 day in five seconds instead of waiting 15 minutes on the 6 p.m. news. It doesn’t have to be though. The radio is supposedly a dying form of media, but Angelo Cataldi was the most popular broadcaster in the Delaware Valley up until his retirement. The weather needs Bolaris more than ever.  I want pomp! I want pageantry! I want WEATHER PENIS!

Take a bow king! I bet you WIP will take your call now.