What a night to effect change! And this time I didn’t even need to waste precious government resources!

The people have spoken! Phillies fans want more beer! There’s honestly no reason that last call shouldn’t be at the end of the eighth, especially when the Diamondbacks, Brewers, Rangers, and Twins are already doing it and more teams aren’t far behind. We should have this enacted in CBP by the Rockies series next week. If you want to put a little more pressure on Aramark and the Phils, sign the petition for longer beer sales here. Just remember that the non-profit UNITED in THE LENGTHENING and EXTENSION of YEAST (U.T.L.E.Y) has one addendum you must agree to before you sign:

“I hereby swear on Chase Utley’s life that I won’t drive drunk or commit any illegal alcohol-induced acts inside the confines of Citizens Bank Park if the Phillies agree to extend last call to the end of the eighth inning.”

P.S. Believe me. Between Dollar Dog Night last year and the impending 8th inning last call I’m fully aware my death will be at the hands of hundreds of Phillies employees cornering me in a left field bathroom and drowning me in a stall. Just have the Phillie Phanatic shoot my ashes out of the hot dog gun.