I’m sorry to ruin your Saturday, but it is my job to report the news and sometimes the news is sad:

What the hell is it with this franchise? Do the Phillies and Aramark understand anything about this fanbase? How do you underestimate the beer drinking ability of Philadelphia sports fans? This is simple supply and demand economics. Do you have a beer-drinking apparatus Philly fans can drink out of? If the answer is yes the demand will be high. Make A LOT of them. This isn’t fucking MLB Network tote bags were talking about. These are beer bats. The hottest item this baseball season. People were STOKED! to watch some baseball and drink out of the beer bats and now they get nothing. Easter is cancelled. Someone get down to the Delaware River and scoop out all of the plastic chemicals that spilt into there. We have some bats to make!

P.S. Dan Gelston is the man. He was the first reporter to ask the Phillies about adding more Dollar Dog Nights last year and now he’s getting to the bottom of the beer bats. The Edward R. Murrow on the front lines.

UPDATE: This could just be a Pass & Stow issue as one reader, who is at the game today, saw people buying them. We’ll need some CB readers with boots on the ground to report back. No Brian Williams’ please. We need Walter Conkites: