It’s been a long time since the last 50 Hot Takes column. In truth, I ran out of hot takes and was having trouble coming up with 50 more to put in an article. There were something like eight of these columns published over the last few years, so eight times 50 is 400 hot takes. Can we get it to 450? What about 500? Here is my latest Pulitzer-worthy offering:

  1. Women need to stop fucking complaining about the toilet seat. Just put the thing down when you walk into the bathroom. It’s not a big deal.
  2. John Bolaris should be forgiven for the “Storm of the Century” miss. That was a long time ago! Plus, we’ve all been duped by Russian hookers, so it is what it is. Let the man live.
  3. Philadelphia should have two NFL teams.
  4. Spring is the second-worst season of the year, just behind Winter.
  5. The complaining about Sean Desai will be ten times worse than Jonathan Gannon. Prepare yourselves.
  6. The way Gannon left is barely even a story. Shane Steichen had the Colts job lined up at the same time. Arizona fudged the process and that’s what led to the tampering thing that caused everyone to lose their minds. In reality, stuff like this happens all the time.
  7. The Jalen Hurts pick was still a bad pick AT THE TIME. Yes, it worked out for the Eagles, but they had to fire their Super Bowl-winning coach, endure a four-win season, trade the quarterback they gave a huge contract to, and then eat the largest dead cap hit in NFL history. The path from Carson Wentz to to Jalen Hurts was not a linear path. Howie Roseman did a great job digging himself out of that hole, but he created the hole.
  8. The Dancing on my Own remix did indeed suck. Good to see fans more or less admitting this after the World Series run ended.
  9. Aaron Nola is Claude Giroux.
  10. If the Sixers want to help their arena pitch, they should tell everyone that they want a WNBA expansion team to play there.
  11. The arena discussion is a joke. Impossible to find any kind of rational thought on that topic. Even now you have people thinking that it’s going to be built in the middle of Chinatown.
  12. Chinatown should expand NORTH.
  13. The pitch clock is the best rule change in any sport in the last 10 years.
  14. It’s impossible to be mad about the World Series. The Astros were the better team going in and the Phils had been playing with house money all postseason long. It is what it is.
  15. The Phillies’ 2022 playoff run was the Flyers’ 2010 playoff run.
  16. The worst Disney song is the crab from Moana talking about how shiny he is. I don’t care that the dude from Flight of the Conchords sings it. It stinks.
  17. Flight of the Conchords was always overrated. Don’t know how many times I was in someone’s dorm room in college and they’d put it on and say “you gotta see this show.”
  18. Wendy’s is so far ahead of McDonald’s and Burger King in 2023. It’s incredible.
  19. The worst part about having kids is that they’re ALWAYS sick. Get ready to feel like dog shit for four years, minimum.
  20. Raya and the Last Dragon is a banger. Underrated.
  21. New Year resolutions are bullshit because if you want to change your life, just start right now. You’re not serious about it if you wait until Jan. 1 every year. You’re a pussy.
  22. March is the worst weather month. Worse than January and February.
  23. School buses shouldn’t have to stop at railroad tracks. The opening of the door is overkill. Either make everyone in every vehicle do it, or don’t do it at all.
  24. Enough with the vape shops.
  25. Not having legal weed in Pennsylvania makes us look like chumps. You can buy a gun, gamble, drink, and vape, but you can’t smoke some of the sweetest cheebah? Get Fetterman on line 1.
  26. Both 94 WIP and 97.5 the Fanatic should have one day per month where no Eagles talk is allowed. Only Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, college sports, MMA, etc. This is the way.
  27. Ted Lasso is UNDERRATED. Great show, well written, typically hilarious British humor throughout.
  28. 97.5 should really lean into the four-for-four thing. It’s obvious that WIP has a stranglehold on football talk (they have three former Eagles working their main day parts, for Christ’s sake), so if they want to try to attack a different part of market, brand yourself as the station that talks about everything.
  29. Casuals love Conor McGregor. Guy has zero UFC title defenses and a grand total of one combat sports win dating back to 2017. Don’t even mention Conor’s name when talking about the real MMA greats like GSP, Anderson Silva, Demetrious Johnson, etc.
  30. Nobody should eat Kraft singles. They are not even real cheese.
  31. The best thing the Zoomer generation has bestowed upon us is use of the word “ass” to mean “terrible,” i.e. – “Kraft singles are ass,” or “Ben Simmons is ass.”
  32. Someone should start a website called “Philadelphia Not Four for Four,” which covers every team except the Eagles, Sixers, Flyers, and Phillies. I’m 100% serious. There’s so little coverage of the college scene, high school (St. Joe’s Prep, LSCHS, Imhotep, etc), and even the Wings. A lot of great stories to tell, but they just get swallowed up by the Eagles and everything else.
  33. Someone on the Crossing Broad Facebook page once said “Philadelphia is a not a hockey town, it’s a Flyers town.” Fact check – true! The average Philly sports fan can name a bunch of players from other football, basketball, or baseball teams, but how many four-for-four fans here can name 10 players from the NHL’s Western Conference? Clayton Keller? Elias Pettersson? Quinn Hughes? Josh Morrissey?
  34. People can’t get so butt hurt about April Fools. There’s a lot of creative and funny stuff that people come up with. Just roll with it.
  35. Having kids is a total mind fuck because you’re supposed to enjoy them when they’re little, which also happens to be the most difficult and demanding time. It’s the most counterintuitive and challenging thing on the planet.
  36. Mint green is the only pastel color men should wear.
  37. We don’t look to sports writers for politics in the same way we don’t look to Jake Tapper for Eagles talk. “Stick to sports” can come with varying undertones, but at face value most rational people were just asking us to stay in our lanes, so they could pick and choose where they would go for information and content.
  38. Super Bowl 57 was Super Bowl 52 without the strip sack.
  39. Jim Schwartz’s defense was just as bad as Jonathan Gannon’s defense in the Super Bowl.
  40. The Philadelphia Union hit their ceiling. They can’t go any higher.
  41. Everybody should be using the Oxford Comma in 2023.
  42. Say what you want about WIP hammering the Bijan Robinson talk, and inundating us with Eagles topics, but nobody in this market understands their brand better. In terms of creating a strategy, then marketing and executing that strategy, they do it better than anyone, and the recent ratings reflect that.
  43. Sick of the Howie Roseman tweets. All you people doing “Howie Szn” on Twitter were the same ones calling for his firing two years ago.
  44. New MLB schedule is fantastic. I want more of the Phillies playing the Yankees, Red Sox, and Astros. Don’t need 40 games against the Marlins every year.
  45. The NLCS rings are fucking lame. Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been handing them out. Once 1997 came around, every 2nd place ring ceremony was lame.
  46. Nothing wrong with Wrexham. It got people interested in soccer and turned attention to a great story. Plus, when folks complain about Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney being involved, and spending a lot of money, what exactly were you expecting? Teams with great owners who spend money on great players typically win. That’s been true for leagues without a salary cap since the beginning of time.
  47. Max Kellerman’s rap song is good. 
  48. Elon Musk was right to get rid of the blue checkmarks on Twitter. Too many blue checks were handed out originally. We’re talking dipshits with 600 followers working for some website like “Winnipeg Jets Nation.”
  49. Eagles players should just log off for the spring and summer. Too much tweeting and deleting. It’s pathetic.
  50. Too many sports fans and sports writers taking themselves way too seriously. This is supposed to be fun. The  scene is brought down by miserable people.

Have a great day.