I’ve got some data that is more important this series than Joel Embiid’s health and Doc Rivers’ coaching rotations. It’s how important James Harden dressing in the most absurd outfits coincides with the Sixers winning. Every time he does and the internet roasts him, he plays out of his mind that night. Remember the JawNCOs from Game 1 against the Celtics?

45 points, 6 assists, 7/14 from 3, and a huge win in Boston.

How did he follow it up? With a total dud. You can’t make a fashion statement like that in game one and then dress like a normie. This is the reason why he went 2/14 Wednesday night and didn’t hit one three. He’s wearing clothes that I can afford:

Don’t believe the hard science behind it? Lets dive further.


Stat line: 23 points, 17 assists, 7 rebounds, 8/18 FGs, and a win.

Christmas Day:

Stat line: 29 points, 13 assists, 4 steals, 5/11 from 3, and a win.

March 2nd, 2022:

Stat line: 26 points, 9 assists, 9 rebounds, 8/13 FGs, and a win.

Opening Night pajamas. “But Kyle they’re just pajamas it doesn’t even look like he gives a shit.” Wrong. You know how hard it is to pull off an outfit, and still look like you don’t give a shit? Almost impossible:

Stat line: 35 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 9/14 FGs, and a loss to Boston.

Game 1 against the Raptors last year:

Stat line: 22 points, 14 assists, 4/7 from three, and a win.

Here’s a game from January where he showed up in some tearaway pants and a bathrobe. This is what James Harden wears around the house. Not what he wears to a basketball game:

via @sixers on Twitter

He had 17 points on 35% shooting, 3/9 from three, and a 10 point loss to the Orlando Magic.

Here’s another fit in April:

He poured in only 14 points, 4 assists, and only got to the free throw line twice while they got blown out by almost 30. All because of the fit. Not crazy enough. We’re not here for the Stations of the Cross, James.

It’s all about the fit. I need James Harden to put on something that is going to blow my mind on Friday. Something none of us has ever seen. Remember…

If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. If you play good, they pay good. Harden better show up looking like some freak from the Met Gala on Friday.