Is Wildwood losing its fastball? Is this still America? Will anyone even listen to these new laws?  According to Franki Rudnesky at PhillyVoice, alcohol laws are getting tougher on the beach and the boardwalk:

During a Wildwood Board of Commissioners meeting Wednesday evening, officials approved two ordinances involving public drinking. The ordinances, introduced earlier this month as updates to municipal laws, ban alcohol on the beach and boardwalk and address underage drinking. They go into effect in 20 days.

The alcohol ban prohibits the consumption, display or possession of any alcoholic beverage on the beach and boardwalk. This applies to all containers, open or closed, except in designated bars and restaurants. Violators could face fines of up to $2,000 and potentially 90 days in jail.

Aunt Mary Pat doing 90 days in the slammer for drinking a White Claw. Give me a fucking break.

Listen, if I wanted to be sober on the beach, I’d muck it up with the dorky families who all dress alike on Wonderland Pier in Ocean City. Nothing gets my heart racing like talking shop about 401k match and property values while our kids get a D- adrenaline rush from the Wacky Worm Roller Coaster puttering along:

No thanks. I want to be with the blue collar people who are the backbone of this country. Give me Wildwood all day. I want my heart in my throat while some carnie straps me into the SkyCoaster wondering if it’s up to code and I want to drink on the beach without my family being held at gunpoint while his partner rummages through the Yeti. Is that to much to ask?

I had no problem turning a blind eye to a dirtball Wildwood mayor who was lax on beach alcohol. Instead Debt Favre over here is allegedly not paying his taxes and stealing health bennys and joy from the great people of Wildwood. Let the family of four have a couple beers on the beach. No one is hurting anyone.

A little silver lining: you have 20 days before this rule goes into effect. Live it up because the times they are a changing.

P.S. – The amount of engineering Aunt Barb is going to be doing in the kitchen to make some sort of wine apparatus for the beach would make the engineers at Tesla blush.