This guy is a walking conundrum:


Nothing screams minding your business like telling everyone you’re minding your business. “Hey everybody look at me! Over here! I’m working hard just minding my business. Did I mention I’m working my ass off too? Lol! Chop wood. Carry water! And remember: an apple a day keeps the doctor away!”

He’s a loser. Remember when he was minding his business when he threw up an IG story watching the Sixers losing by 30 on his off-centered TV? After his team just got swept and he didn’t play a second? –

How ironic the “chop wood and carry water” quote is from the title of a book called How to Fall in Love With the Process of Becoming Great. Something Ben Simmons has never once been interested in. He’s a hypocrite. There is nothing less he wants to do than become great. If greatness was the goal, he would use everything he does in his summer workouts in a game. Instead he’ll just steal another $40 million and drift off into the sunset averaging a triple-single.

I know there are going to be Sixers fans who think we should leave Ben Simmons alone. Congrats on having a healthy mindset and strong morals, but shut up. I will follow Ben Simmons and Carson Wentz into the depths of hell and be there at their every fall. That is the cross I bear for eternity:

P.S. Is he working out in Crocs?