Neighborhood Facebook pages are a cess pool. But between the occasional neighborhood Karen ranting and the pleas for people to pick up their dog shit some times you find gold. Like the burglar who was in the Fishtown neighborhood group and apologized for stealing two purses…underneath the post about his crime:

Here is the original post and the confession from The Burgular. Where was Steve Keeley at on this one? What’s up? If it doesn’t bleed it doesn’t lead?




I apologize for my actions is great! Am I becoming a big softie or am I actually feeling sorry for Charlie? How am I supposed to know if it will ever actually happen again or not? The Phillies were below .500 when the crime happened. Charlie might’ve been in a tough spot at the time.

Welp. That lasted all of two seconds:

Charlie might be the shittiest burglar of all time. How do you case a house and forget what house it is? That would be like putting the Jersey Shore into Google Maps and ending up in Nantucket. I love how he just wiped his hands clean of the situation. He would return it, but unfortunately he never got tracking number from the shop it was pawned at. That’s on him. Well talk to you later!

Charlie when he found out he was in the wrong house:

Hey Michael. Glass houses:

What did I do with the money? Fuck you is what I did with the money.

(We definitely know what Charlie did with the money)

Honestly, I don’t think Charlie should go to jail. Now I don’t know how much the purses cost, but the cops aren’t even arresting people for theft in the city anyway. Instead of muddying up the court system everyone who commits a petty crime for now on should be sent down to the I-95 bridge collapse site and have to pick up a shovel until it’s rebuilt. Hard labor like Communist Russia. That’s your sentence.

P.S. It wouldn’t be Philly if someone didn’t try to plug their masonry company looking for a quick sale: