The Philly Public Health Department wants you to help name their new bathrooms:

The only problem is that the names suck:

Does everything need a name? It’s not a new baby otter at the Philadelphia Zoo, it’s a literal shit hole. This would be like the Streets Department asking citizens what they should name the new pothole on Broad Street before they fix it. Just build the crapper so I don’t have to keep playing mud or shit around Center City. Read this blurb from the city. No wonder nothing gets done in time. We’re more worried about naming a bathroom than solving an issue and moving onto the next major one:

But the city admits – “As Philadelphians, we take pride in everything we do, including installing bathrooms. But they’ll never be OURS with a name like ‘Portland Loo.’ So we need your help naming them!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for more public restrooms. Having to ask the Starbucks employee for the bathroom code as she mean mugs me is uncomfortable. Just like going into a restaurant and trying to convince the hostess to let you drop the kids off at the pool. And I know immediately what you’re thinking. Some homeless person is going to make this their Crack Shack on day one. Fair point. But the Portland Loos in Seattle have seemed to figure it out so far, via Erik Lacitis the Seattle Times:

The toilet bowl is made out of “prison grade” stainless steel, perched above a concrete slab floor. One amenity is the toilet seat. It’s made out of fiberglass, says (sales manager Evan) Madden kind-of-jokingly, because stainless steel can stick to skin in freezing weather.

There’s no sink, to prevent users from washing clothes. Outside the loo, there is a spigot that dispenses only cold water.

No mirror, of course. So nothing to smash. And, says Madden, with the reinforced stainless steel walls, “they’ll stand up being beat up with a baseball bat.”

The paint has anti-graffiti powder in it so that, say, a citrus-based cleaner will easily wipe off a Sharpie marking.

And the blue lighting that’s bathing the inside of the loo as if you’re in sci-fi movie? It makes it difficult for intravenous drug users to spot their veins.

It’s looks like a prison:

via Seattle Times

So I’ll give it a chance.

But if the city is going to make us come up with a name for it we should name it. Isn’t this a democracy? The city can call it whatever they want. It doesn’t mean we have to. How about Shitti Field, Marcus Shart, or Sixers Second Round Exit? Or any of these names the good people of Philadelphia came up with:







P.S. How long until this has a Jawn Morgan ad on it? Can’t go anywhere in this city without seeing that guy’s face.