This Northeast Philly man is going viral for painting the most vivid picture of waking up to the news of the I-95 collapse. I don’t even know if he had time to fully grasp the significance of the situation before FOX 29 shoved a mic in his face. But that’s the beauty of the Northeast. They see a microphone and they gravitate towards it like a moth to a flame. This is definitely what a Twea Light would sound like if it had a voice:

If you close your eyes and listen, it feels like you were there. The way he described the smell as a smoky smell was cinema. I can hear the frustration in his voice as he was woken up from his siesta to the ding of constant texts cutting through the silence of his mom’s basement. I can feel the hangover and smell his un-brushed morning breath that consists of a balance of Twisted Tea, Sea Isles, and roughly five to seven Rumple Minze shots from the night before. I can feel the chill that ran down his spine as he saw cops outside his window and for a minute thought they were for him. I can feel the anxiety that hasn’t set in yet as he’s wondering how him and the boys are going to get to Wildwood for 4th of July weekend. It’s all so vivid and it’s thanks to our boy.

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s Father Judge. It’s definitely Father Judge. I don’t think he’s old enough for North Catholic and the neck beard is too tightly shaven for Ryan. There’s a laundry list of DUIs in Wildwood that already tell you those guys can’t do anything in a straight line.

It’s a tough day in Philadelphia. Hug your Northeast friend and tell them you love them. We’ve taken a Holy Trinity of Ls in the last year:


At least PENNDOT is all over it: