This fight Saturday stunk more than the Phillies’ offense. The background commentary was the highlight of the entire thing:

Why are we fighting each other? Save that energy for Mets fans. There were thousands of them that day. These guys had their pick of the litter. Instead we’re fighting our own friends? They all looked so happy just an hour before. What happened? I need a back story:

Was it the Phillies losing to the Mets? Did someone ask Bud Light Seltzer guy what it’s like to pee sitting down? How does powder blue Harper jersey always find himself in the middle of these guys? If you have any answers, get in touch.

According to well-placed sources, black t-shirt walked home and maroon shirt got in the car after. Is that because maroon won round one?  Black t-shirt fought like he just got new arms. At one point maroon tattooed him in the back of the head and he put his hands up like, “what the fuck?” Buddy, you’re in a fight that you started. Powder blue was trying to hold you back. You had your chance. The way powder blue watched over the fight it feels like this isn’t these two first rodeo. We all have those guys in the group who are constantly at each others throats, waiting for the powder keg to burst. If you’re going to do it publicly and then get shamed on the Internet for the world to see you have to give the people a show.

Kinkead: I watched the entire fight twice and only five total punches were thrown, all from maroon shirt. He tried three speculative jabs and two overhand rights. In all, 0 significant strikes landed. 

P.S. Chances are high none of these guys are the offspring of these dudes from The Vet: