If crime wasn’t enough for you to leave the city, we apparently now have PIRATES?!? Holy Blackbeard’s Raven! What is this city turning into?

Via Katherine Scott at 6ABC:

Officers were notified that a 28-foot sailboat, with a Liberty Sailing Club banner, was stolen from the Pier 5 marina near Penn’s Landing. Within a half hour, officers from the Marine Unit and the Coast Guard spotted the boat about two miles away, still heading south.

The Marine Unit was able to pull over the boat, and they took a 28-year-old man into custody. Police say the man had a stolen gun, though he didn’t use it to take the boat. The boat had been docked at the time near where a sailboat training session was being held.

The sails were down, but the man got in the boat and was able to start the engine and steal it. Two miles later, he was taken into custody.

Hold up. He got two miles down the river without the sail? That’s impressive. You know how hard that is to do just relying on an engine? Neither do I. But if you’re the boating captain at the Liberty Sailing Club you gotta bail this guy out of jail and turn his life around using the power of sailing, right? I can see Disney buying that movie right now. Turn this guy into the James Cook of the seas and train him to to one day take down the America’s Cup. That’s a billion dollar movie idea right there. Just make sure you adopt him first and make him sign a conservatorship so you get all of his royalties.

I’ll tell you a secret. I have a special gift I want to share with you. I can tell if someone is guilty based on just looking at their mugshot. Here’s Roger Pojar’s. The Blackbeard of the Delaware:

Guilty.

That is a ROUGH 31.