Oh my God what is this abomination:


This is quite the grotesque amalgam, like a football chimera. The mythical beast! It’s got a lion’s head, a goat’s body, and a serpent tail. A much-less desirable triad than Correll Buckhalter, Brian Westbrook, and Duuuuuuuce Staley.

Kinda feel bad for Carson yeah? Or no? The guy can be a serviceable backup in this league. Don’t tell me he’s worse than Ben DiNucci or Nathan Peterman in 2023. Of course, I have no clue if Carson has been approached and/or turned down any offers at all. Maybe he’s waiting for an opportunity to start, which probably ain’t happening unless some poor team gets Lex Luger torture (w)racked with injuries.

One thing is for sure, and that’s seeing the word “lab” and immediately being triggered with Ben Simmons PTSD. Maybe they can combine labs and work together in the offseason. Ben could show Carson how to film himself knocking down three pointers that he’ll never actually take in the game. In this case, Carson’s summer video would be him actually releasing the ball on time instead of extending the play into the inevitable back breaker of a fumble, interception, or sack.

Joking. We’re joking. Carson was a big part of the 2017 Super Bowl run, despite what ungrateful haters like Bob Wankel and Kyle Pagan say.