I finally got to witness Craig Kimbrel’s new closer entrance Thursday night. It’s amazing:


Close your eyes…

Now open them dummy cause you’re going to have to read this…

It’s a brisk October night in South Philly. The smell of stale beer and crushed peanuts permeates through the air. Citizens Bank Park is shaking after Bryson Stott puts the Phillies up one with a two-out single in the bottom of the 8th. Your Apple watch alerts you. It thinks you’re dying because your heart rate is at an alarming level. You think to yourself, “You dumb bitch. I’m not dying. This is playoff baseball!” Two minutes ago you were hugging the stranger next to you who you just met 90 minutes prior. Life is good. You don’t know how it gets better. Than all of a sudden the lights begin to flicker as the greatest guitar riff of all time thunders over the loud speakers. You look to the outfield as Craig Kimbrel is barreling down the steps and toward the mound ready to shut it down in the 9th, one two three. The entire stadium is singing Welcome to the Jungle in unison. An old woman stood up out of her wheelchair. She took her wig off and is violently twirling it around her head. She’s out for blood. There’s a toddler ripping air guitar a row in front of her. Kimbrel is now on the mound warming up. Your buddy just got back from his 15th piss break of the game. The entire row hates his guts because his bladder is the size of a peanut. But this time it doesn’t matter because we’re already all standing. Kimbrel finishes his warm up pitches as Axl Rose belts “Watch it bring you to your shun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-knees, knees”. The first batter comes up. Strikeout looking. Kimbrel painted a 97-mph fastball on the outside black. Second batter same exact thing. The last batter goes down with barely a whimper. We’re singing High Hopes on the way to our cars. It’s a beautiful night in South Philadelphia.

Shout out to me for crushing this video while dealing with a gigantic pole. The true test of a champion is not whether he can triumph but whether he can overcome obstacles. That was cinema.

P.S. Rob Thomson can barely contain his love affair with it: