Diner en Blanc is tonight baby, so don your white chinos and bring your swamp ass to the top-secret location for a night of revelry and magic.

Here are five perfect spots to host this year’s party:

1) underneath the I-95 repair site

Three days! Three days! Buckley and Company worked very hard to repair this area for one reason and one reason only – to host Diner en Blanc 2023 in the heart of the River Wards.

Set up your table and chairs underneath the section of I-95 that was filled with with recycled Rolling Rock bottles from Delco. Enjoy a first course of flaming asphalt, followed by a twisted metal chaser (not the video game). For dessert, Governor Shapiro gets all of the labor leaders together for a press conference where they pat themselves on the back with sugar-free creme brulee.

via livestream

2) the shuttered Greyhound bus terminal

The bus depot currently is not being used for anything. It could be the ideal location for a night of food and Frenchiness under the stars.

Enjoy the backdrop of chain link fences, juxtaposed against a failing mall on the Chinatown border. Afterward, Diner en Blanc shifts to the AMC movie theater for an exclusive screening of The Sound of Freedom, followed by a 1210 WPHT speaker series with Mark Levin.

Photo credit: me

3) the Aramingo Avenue Wawa

Don’t worry about the panhandlers. This is a picturesque Fishtown location, abutting both Applebee’s and Capital Beer. You will enjoy mille-feuille puff pastries while locals smoke cigarettes in their idling cars. I can’t think of a better location to set up your table and chairs for a premium merrymaking opportunity.

Google Maps

4) Manco and Manco

Diner en Blanc throws a CURVE BALL and relocates to the Jersey Shore. Revelers set up on the Ocean City board walk while unruly teens get on their E bikes and terrorize the Shoobie motherfuckers. Diner begins with garlic knots and a Coca Cola Classic. Then for the main course – pepperoni pizza with a side of tax evasion.

via Action News

5) on top of the rubble of the Melrose Diner

Don’t think of it as the end, but the beginning. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Pearl Jam got four straight concerts at the Spectrum before it was knocked down, so it’s only fitting that Diner en Blanc ushers in a new era at Snyder and Passyunk. Au revoir!

via NBC 10