Look at the monstrosity that Aramark is trotting out at the Linc this season:

That is the Slim Chicken 2.0. It consists of Frosted Flakes fried chicken, Cooper Sharp cheese, honey-glazed bacon, cherry jam, and ghost chili with apple fritters as the bun. What the fuck did the Slim Chicken 1.0 look like? Imagine it’s 3rd and 5, under 2 minutes, and the Eagles need a stop in the 4th quarter. Are you screaming “DEFENSE” in between bites of your Slim Chicken 2.0?

My theory is Aramark doesn’t actually sell these food items. They just send a press release out to people like Darren Rovell for free advertising or something. Remember last year they released the “Philly Jawns”? The Dunkin’ Macchiato Cereal crusted beef brisket and Monterey jack cheese croquettes served with Rita’s Wild Black Cherry Ice BBQ sauce. Did any of your buddies come home from the game and tell you the Eagles looked good, but what they really wanted to talk about were the “Philly Jawns” they had? Absolutely not.

I’ll set the over/under at 5.5 Slim Chicken 2.0s you see someone with at the Linc this season. If you do see anyone eating this, send me a picture so we can put them on a “No Fly” list.

P.S. Can’t believe we haven’t gotten Andrew Brandt to weigh in yet. Did he retire one of the best bits on Twitter?