Bryce Harper is 1 for his last 23. He just went through an 0 for 20 slump. Everyone knows why he shaved his beard. He doesn’t have time for your clown questions, bro:

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Is it the humidity??”


If you listen closely you can hear 10 different buttholes tightening immediately.

The beats might think the Wild Card is locked up and want to play grab ass after another win, but no one in that locker room does. Bryce is all the way the fuck locked in. We’re in playoff mode right now. The Cubs are breathing down our fucking necks. Kill or be killed. The Marlins and Braves are coming to town for the biggest stretch of the season. Bryce knows the Phillies go the way he goes and this version of him ain’t winning the World Series. There’s a lot of pressure right now. Rise above it. Harness in the good energy. Block out the bad. Harness good. Block bad.