That headline couldn’t be more Philly Mad Libs if you tried. Everything about this story is wild. Danelo Cavalcante spider walks out of the prison, hiding throughout famous landmarks in Chester County, steals a dairy truck and a gun, and is captured wearing an Eagles shirt 24 hours before the home opener. You can’t script this shit for a better city. The Twitter jokes have been magnificent. Every time I think I’ve had enough of this story something else comes out.

Now Governor Shapiro just offered to get the person who lost their Eagles hoodie a new Kelly Green one:

Great situational awareness from the Gov here. The only problem is now his staffers are going to be inundated with hundreds of calls and tweets about them losing their hoodie off the drying line in the backyard. It’s already starting: